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Gabriel · 10-14-2011, 10:30 AM

Burnt, it sounds like you are doing the right things so far. If I am you I would do the following (and I'm sure most will agree).

1) you have to tell the OMs wife. He is still married - until they are totally divorced she needs to know, especially if they are considering reconciliation, which many do

2) Don't tell her that you will drop this, ever. Not saying you need to badger her all the time, but avoid telling her that once she gets this all out with the counselor that you can go back to your normal lives. That would be rug sweeping.

3) Make sure you go to counseling with her. Saying this is "her issue" may be true in the sense that she did this, but it now very greatly affects you, and you need to be a part of the solution, or it will just happen again.

4) Monitor her. Email/facebook/texts/phone records. Do this for a long time, months, if not years. Since she agreed to the polygraph, maybe you take her up on it (I'm not big on polygraphs), but that only addresses the past, not the future.

5) You both need to send the OM a joint letter/email/whatever saying that he should never contact either of you again, in any forum or medium. Tell him firmly that he is no longer either of your friends, and is no longer welcome in your lives. Write it when you are calm. Then you both sign it, and send. From there, ignore all his attempts to communicate with you. No responses at all.

10-14-2011, 10:30 AM	#92 (permalink)
Gabriel Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,667	Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend Burnt, it sounds like you are doing the right things so far. If I am you I would do the following (and I'm sure most will agree). 1) you have to tell the OMs wife. He is still married - until they are totally divorced she needs to know, especially if they are considering reconciliation, which many do 2) Don't tell her that you will drop this, ever. Not saying you need to badger her all the time, but avoid telling her that once she gets this all out with the counselor that you can go back to your normal lives. That would be rug sweeping. 3) Make sure you go to counseling with her. Saying this is "her issue" may be true in the sense that she did this, but it now very greatly affects you, and you need to be a part of the solution, or it will just happen again. 4) Monitor her. Email/facebook/texts/phone records. Do this for a long time, months, if not years. Since she agreed to the polygraph, maybe you take her up on it (I'm not big on polygraphs), but that only addresses the past, not the future. 5) You both need to send the OM a joint letter/email/whatever saying that he should never contact either of you again, in any forum or medium. Tell him firmly that he is no longer either of your friends, and is no longer welcome in your lives. Write it when you are calm. Then you both sign it, and send. From there, ignore all his attempts to communicate with you. No responses at all.