Join Date: Apr 2011
| | Re: How often do you have sex?
First of all, thank you so much for the responses, and please feel free to keep them coming (no pun intended, lol!).
Sawney Bean: I could see your point, and feel that my H may be depressed at times, but I don't think it's anything serious, or something that would require medication. Just boredum, needing a social life, friends, etc. Things we all go through from time to time. I however have been super depressed lately, but have wanted sex whether depressed or not. And no, I don't think I want it more because of being depressed, just getting more depressed because of not being desired.
In all honesty, I have been taking better care of my body now than ever before. I lost 15-20 pounds, and now weigh 116-120 pounds. I started walking over a mile every day, and started eating better. I got a tan, and started dressing sexier, like wearing dresses and actually showing my legs, when I never really did before. And let me tell you, it seemed as though everyone else noticed, and I got so many compliments from friends and family members, guys staring at me on the streets, but absolutely no response whatsoever from my H. I couldn't agree more on the need for a dose of "manning up". I remember showing him my body, feeling so proud, hoping he'd tell me how good I looked. Instead he was busy looking up video game codes on the internet, and when I asked him if I looked good he said, "I really don't like the fact that you're tanning. It's just not good for your body." WHILE I WAS STANDING THERE NAKED, and in my opinion, looking pretty damn hot! WTF?! Sorry. Gotta calm down here. Just so confusing and frustrating, and most certainly not the response I was expecting!!! When he plays video games he reminds me of some dorky little brother. I want him to step up and be a man, and take me into the bedroom and... well... you get the point.
@ Everyone/Cherry: I have made it very clear that I am interested in sex. When we do have sex, it is okay. It used to be better, but now I feel like it's just too forced, due to my complaining. I barely want to kiss him anymore. Things feel awkward. Is that ever normal??? The last time I brought it up, he said that I never give him oral anymore. I thought it was the strangest thing to say, considered every single solitary time he's EVER asked me to give him a blow job, I have. EVERYTIME. It seems asthough he wants me to randomly rip his pants off and just start giving him a blow job, when I'll be honest, I am not desiring that and have no intentions of doing that whatsoever. I am the one that wants to feel desired, not force him into desiring me. It may sound completely selfish, but I am tired of initiating things. I really am. Time for him to step up!
@ Simply Amorous: As far as what my husband IS doing with his sexuality, I have no idea. I don't think he watches porn, because he doesn't have the opportunity. But I do feel that when the opportunity arrises (I leave the house) he probably does. I also think he takes care of himself in the shower, but have never really asked him or caught him doing it or anything. He is somewhat depressed, as I mentioned above (in this post), and is tired all the time from work. But I don't think that excuses all the times that he isn't tired, and he choses to play video games or do other things. I don't know if he has any resentment built up towards me, but I know I do with him, and yet I still want to feel desired sexually. I don't know if he has any attraction issues towards me (again, read above), but I am now definitely feeling them towards him. Now my desire is gone, and I don't know how to get it back (for him). How interesting that your friend is going thru quite a similar problem as I am, and I hope she is okay and is happy in the end (however way she achieves that). You are right about speaking to my H about this, and I feel that I have. We have even argued about when we are going to have children, but that is not in the cards for us right now. I recently told my H, days ago, that I might need time apart to think about things. I still kind of desire it, because I have so much resentment right now that I barely want to speak to him. When I said that, I had (and have) no desire whatsoever to have an affair, but I did and do have a desire to be alone and think about things. He said that if I wanted to go to my parents house for a few days, that'd be fine, but if I needed a month or two or whatever, that "we're done." he said it just like that. that he "doesnt do separations." and that "separations just mean divorce." it made me really angry, because i dont feel that way at all. I think sometimes separations are required, but in his opinion it's some type of dealbreaker. What would u do there? I agree with you so much when u say, "I would never survive with a man who didn't like sex." I know my H had a lot lot lot of porn when I met him, and I made him get rid of ALL of it. When I came to find porn on my internet history and found he was looking at it behind my back (this was years ago) I got mad, but then realized I was being selfish, so I told him I wanted us to go to a video store and buy porn together. We watched some together, and I was actually kind of into it. I told him I'd be ok with it as long as we watched it together, and we bought a few videos. We've even bought a few sex toys. I told him I ordered a toy online and he said he couldnt wait to try it out on me. Well, I've owned that toy for about 6-9 months now, and he's never asked to even see it, let alone use it on me. I, however, love it, and without it I probably would have left him by now (LOL!) We still have the videos, and now, oddly enough, I watch them by myself from time to time. In a sense it just makes me more loney and feel pathetic, and want sex even more, so it's still all frustrating in the end. Btw, awesome that u and ur H reconnected and are having more sex than ever. *JEALOUS* Lol!
@Enchantment: Our relationship overall is great, but it's beginning to feel too buddy-buddy. We watch TV constantly and laugh about inside jokes, but never have passion or sex anymore. He is beginning to feel like a great best friend, and that really scares me. I told him about wanting marriage counseling, and he was worried about getting the time off work. That too pissed me off, because our marriage should be more important. The next day he apologized and said he'd be willing to go to marriage counseling. We are going the beginning of next month.
@2yearssince: I want to have sex (as it stands right now) all the time. Today. Right now. Hahaha! But as far as frequency, I'd prefer it if we had sex at least once a week. If not, once every 2 weeks, maybe 3. But waiting 3-4 months is pure hell for me. Even waiting one month starts to drive me crazy. Urgh.
@Meg, with a partner, haha. When I "self service" these days it's been weekly. I think about sex constantly, and can "self service" every 3-4 days, actually.
@ Everyone else: Thank u so much for your responses. Please feel free to keep chiming in. I love reading all of your opinions! Thanks!