Blanca

I watched my sister go through this with her H. They were together six years and married one. Her husband struggled. He was clean when they met, blamed the use on his exe wife, and blamed his starting again on my sister. And she hung on. She did the same things you are doing. she was constantly obsessed with where he was, what he was doing, etc. Her life became about him. Even after he left her three years ago, its still about him. she's constantly wondering where he is, who he's with. She just cant let go. Its just not healthy. I dont know how your health is but it cant be very good in a situation like that.

There's a group called alanon that can help you with this sort of thing. They have free meetings and they can teach you to start living for you again.

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"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie