| | Am I just a fool or is this a normal phase for the betrayer?
I worry I am opening myself up to even more hurt rather than doing the right thing by trying.
So he said he was coming back, he was breaking it off and bringing his stuff back to our house. He even told my 17 year old this.
So then he stayed here overnight after he and I and the 17 year old had dinner and watched a movie. Early in the morning, he was lying very close to me, carressing me and seeming like he really wanted to make love but kept stopping himself.
The next morning he goes and says he is going to get his stuff and do the deed of breaking it off. He is gone for like an hour when I get a call from my friend--- he has called her husband and asked if he could have a few days to figure stuff out but she didn't want to say yes if I was uncomfortable with it. I lost it.
I called him and told him he was coming back today or not at all. I couldn't deal and our children couldn't deal with several more days of wondering if daddy was staying and working on our marriage or not. I mean, geesh, I put myself OUT there, and this is what he does? So again, he chose us and came back.
We spent the day together, with him and I taking a long walk and having a very honest discussion about what had happened, each of our parts in letting the marriage get in such a poor state and vowing to try and do some things better. He seemed sincerely sorry.
So this morning, he tells me he doesn't know if he can do this, he still has feelings for this woman, and he is so uncomfortable with me right now (um duh... why wouldn't you be?) I was flabbergasted... I mean, what the heck, we told the girls yesterday (11 and 12) that we were going to try and this morning he is saying he doesn't KNOW if he can go through with trying??
I mean, I am completely stunned at the extreme level of selfishness he is displaying.... REALLY?? Your FEELINGS are more important than the commitment you made to your wife of 23 years and your three children who you have just taken through the worst weekend of their lives???
And DUH... you see this woman with no strings or responsibilities attached for a few hours a week and you have FEELINGS for her... how f-ing easy is that, no kids, no house, no bills, no stress... nothing but fun and sex. Is his head up his ass? Did an alien take his brain? How could he even KNOW what he feels for someone under those circumstances... the hard **** happens HERE at HOME.
And lastly, I finally got him to tell me who it was, and it is SO humiliating... it is the sister of of the guy from one of our couples friends we regularly hung out with.. so I guess I was the last to know.
Should I just tell him to go or is this see saw thing normal at this stage for the WS? Help me.
Oh and before he left for work I did tell him that I was over the top stunned that he could be as selfish as he was being after telling both me and the girls we were going to try that he would even consider going back on that only 12 hours later because he still has some fee fees for his f--ing *****. OMG