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unhappy11 · 10-27-2011, 04:49 PM

I am looking for true and honest advice on my situation. SORRY IF THIS A LONG WINDED MESSAGE, I JUST REALLY NEED TO VENT!

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and I love him very much. I know he loves me and he has done alot for me. His family is from another country, although he was raised in the United States. About 5 years ago, his parents moved to the same state that we live him (about 1 hour distance). We see them twice monthly and everything was okay until the visits went like this. Me, hubby and the 2 kids would go over to their house. Hubby's sister also lives in this state. My mother in law always cooks when we are coming over. After we would eat, usually the whole family would sit around and chat. A couple of years ago, the routine stayed the same, but what changed was that everyone would sit at the table and speak in their language and leave me out of the conversation. I spoke to my husband and told him that it was rude and he, being my husband, should say "speak English; I don't want my wife to be left out." My husband's father does not speak English that great, but he still can speak it. My husband said that they were not talking about anything important anyway and I should not feel bad. Of course, this pissed me off because I am telling him how hurt I am and he was not getting it. Therefore, I decided not to go over to their house anymore. This caused alot of tension for about 6 months. My mother in law called me and I told her my feelings. Thanksgiving (2009) was coming and I was invited over and things were better and they continued to get better, until last WEEKEND. My other sister in law came from out of town with her husband and was staying at my in-laws (her parents). I would say we are cordial, but not friendly. The scene reverted to 2 years ago, but this time worst for me. There was not enough room at the kitchen table, so my daughter and I ate in the family room. Get this, when my sister-in-law (one from out of town) fixed her plate, my husband got up and found her another chair so that she could eat at the table with them in the kitchen. After everyone finished eating, my husband and his family stayed in the kitchen and spoke in their language for 2 hours. I was livid. My husband knew the amount of stress that this caused just 2 years ago and he sat there with them and did not even acknowledge that I was left to sit in the family room by myself. You tell me why I should not be mad!!!!! I have barely spoken to him since last Saturday. Surely, it does not take a rocket scientist him to know why I am made, but has not come to discuss it or otherwise. It made me feel like nothing and just so disrespected. How would you feel?

10-27-2011, 04:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
unhappy11 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 18	Husband doesn't understand my feelings I am looking for true and honest advice on my situation. SORRY IF THIS A LONG WINDED MESSAGE, I JUST REALLY NEED TO VENT! My husband and I have been married for 15 years and I love him very much. I know he loves me and he has done alot for me. His family is from another country, although he was raised in the United States. About 5 years ago, his parents moved to the same state that we live him (about 1 hour distance). We see them twice monthly and everything was okay until the visits went like this. Me, hubby and the 2 kids would go over to their house. Hubby's sister also lives in this state. My mother in law always cooks when we are coming over. After we would eat, usually the whole family would sit around and chat. A couple of years ago, the routine stayed the same, but what changed was that everyone would sit at the table and speak in their language and leave me out of the conversation. I spoke to my husband and told him that it was rude and he, being my husband, should say "speak English; I don't want my wife to be left out." My husband's father does not speak English that great, but he still can speak it. My husband said that they were not talking about anything important anyway and I should not feel bad. Of course, this pissed me off because I am telling him how hurt I am and he was not getting it. Therefore, I decided not to go over to their house anymore. This caused alot of tension for about 6 months. My mother in law called me and I told her my feelings. Thanksgiving (2009) was coming and I was invited over and things were better and they continued to get better, until last WEEKEND. My other sister in law came from out of town with her husband and was staying at my in-laws (her parents). I would say we are cordial, but not friendly. The scene reverted to 2 years ago, but this time worst for me. There was not enough room at the kitchen table, so my daughter and I ate in the family room. Get this, when my sister-in-law (one from out of town) fixed her plate, my husband got up and found her another chair so that she could eat at the table with them in the kitchen. After everyone finished eating, my husband and his family stayed in the kitchen and spoke in their language for 2 hours. I was livid. My husband knew the amount of stress that this caused just 2 years ago and he sat there with them and did not even acknowledge that I was left to sit in the family room by myself. You tell me why I should not be mad!!!!! I have barely spoken to him since last Saturday. Surely, it does not take a rocket scientist him to know why I am made, but has not come to discuss it or otherwise. It made me feel like nothing and just so disrespected. How would you feel?