Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

deano57 · 10-28-2011, 09:50 AM

He says, 'you can't have new floors until you get a good paying job'. I'm unemployed and looking. I'm also over 50, have few and rusty job skills and live in a very rural/small town where jobs are few and far between. I just applied for a job at a new convenience store so keep your fingers crossed. When we were out at a local bar one night recently, being silly and having fun, he told me, 'act your age'. I wasn't being raunchy or gross. Just loud and silly with some girlfriends. While out for dinner with another couple, he told me, 'you have enough bad habits, I'm not paying for your mom's too', when I admitted I had bought a carton of cigarettes for my 81 year old mom who just moved to a nursing home. He often says in public 'I make it, she spends it' in a derogatory tone of voice. Yes, I tend to spend money on clothes and books when I am feeling especially depressed and worthless. Our home is paid for (but does need serious updating), our two children are grown and successfully on their own. We have decent cars although not new. We pay our bills on time with money left over. I do have a $4500 credit card bill he doesn't know about that I've been slowly paying down with whatever money I can make here and there. I also pay on a Sallie Mae loan I took out several years ago when our daughter lost her academic scholarship, just so she could stay in school. I still owe $5000 on that. I was working then and had a decent income. My 20+ year successful direct sales career tanked and I've never found a long term job to replace it. He recently insisted we take out new life insurance policies since our old term life had timed out. Just a week ago, he sat down with our bank statement and made me justify every expenditure. I felt like I was being called to the principles office or something. 'The $100 to Nordstrom's was a gift for our DIL's birthday', 'what is this $50 to Serenity?', I got a mani-pedi before a job interview for a really awesome job with our county. I didn't get the job was down to the final cut. I had to justify a $9.99 debit to amazon for a book. I felt so demeaned and this isn't the first time he's done this. I guess I should learn my lesson and really learn NOT to spend any money but when I feel like crap I grasp for any little something to give me a temporary lift. He makes me feel like I'm only a pain in his ass and I'm his cross to bear. He says he feels like his only worth to me is his paycheck. I used to be such an upbeat, optimistic person but I feel downtrodden and beaten these days. I just look at him sitting in his chair with the remote in his hand, snoring away in front of a blaring tv and wonder if I can stand this for the rest of my life.

10-28-2011, 09:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
deano57 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 5	He makes me feel like a bad little kid. He says, 'you can't have new floors until you get a good paying job'. I'm unemployed and looking. I'm also over 50, have few and rusty job skills and live in a very rural/small town where jobs are few and far between. I just applied for a job at a new convenience store so keep your fingers crossed. When we were out at a local bar one night recently, being silly and having fun, he told me, 'act your age'. I wasn't being raunchy or gross. Just loud and silly with some girlfriends. While out for dinner with another couple, he told me, 'you have enough bad habits, I'm not paying for your mom's too', when I admitted I had bought a carton of cigarettes for my 81 year old mom who just moved to a nursing home. He often says in public 'I make it, she spends it' in a derogatory tone of voice. Yes, I tend to spend money on clothes and books when I am feeling especially depressed and worthless. Our home is paid for (but does need serious updating), our two children are grown and successfully on their own. We have decent cars although not new. We pay our bills on time with money left over. I do have a $4500 credit card bill he doesn't know about that I've been slowly paying down with whatever money I can make here and there. I also pay on a Sallie Mae loan I took out several years ago when our daughter lost her academic scholarship, just so she could stay in school. I still owe $5000 on that. I was working then and had a decent income. My 20+ year successful direct sales career tanked and I've never found a long term job to replace it. He recently insisted we take out new life insurance policies since our old term life had timed out. Just a week ago, he sat down with our bank statement and made me justify every expenditure. I felt like I was being called to the principles office or something. 'The $100 to Nordstrom's was a gift for our DIL's birthday', 'what is this $50 to Serenity?', I got a mani-pedi before a job interview for a really awesome job with our county. I didn't get the job was down to the final cut. I had to justify a $9.99 debit to amazon for a book. I felt so demeaned and this isn't the first time he's done this. I guess I should learn my lesson and really learn NOT to spend any money but when I feel like crap I grasp for any little something to give me a temporary lift. He makes me feel like I'm only a pain in his ass and I'm his cross to bear. He says he feels like his only worth to me is his paycheck. I used to be such an upbeat, optimistic person but I feel downtrodden and beaten these days. I just look at him sitting in his chair with the remote in his hand, snoring away in front of a blaring tv and wonder if I can stand this for the rest of my life.