Its been 3 years since I discovered husband's affair. His affair lasted over a year and it was pretty intense. He thought he loved her, planned to move out with her, and allowed her in our lives posing as a friend. Took her places without my knowledge with my kids. Eventually became emotionally abusive and then when I discovered the A, I told him he had to leave...then he wanted counseling and realized he loved me not her. He made 3 promises 1) never see her again 2) full disclosure 3) no lies. He broke all three. He did talk to her again right after I discovered the A some emails exchanged, he said for closure and he apologized I found out because her friend threw it in my face. To my knowledge there has been no further contact in 3 years. She attempted and he told me about them but he never responded. Her last attempt was a few weeks ago (email). 2) He told me bits and pieces took a year to get the "full" story, not sure I'll ever know the truth but I guess I'll have to trust its the full story (questions like were there other affairs, he says no but I have doubts). 3) no lies, well he lied about #1 and #2, I caught him on both so now trust is almost non-existent.
What I'm asking is what can I do to move forward? I am not happy. What's contributing is some issues with our kids as well (I blame him in part, the kids were deeply affected by his A, my oldest knew about it..). So I sat down and made a list of things I could try to do to change, doing nothing isn't an option. It may be that we cannot work things out. He says we can but he's also painting a picture that's not true. He wants to erase the past just put a smile on and when I'm hurting he pretends not to notice...I'm not so good at pretending.
I've been thinking about things from divorce, separation, marriage counseling to trying to focus on some ways that I can help myself. When I feel down and thinking too much of the past, how to get out of the funk and think of something else maybe meditation, yoga, etc. We did try marriage counseling but he seemed more obligated than willing and he was late a lot so I gave up...didn't feel like dragging him there. So I may just go to a family counselor by myself.
I'm open to trying just about anything. It always feels better to be doing something that just feeling sorry for myself. Ideas?
