Originally Posted by MEM11363
Long interesting conversation last night. Painfully unfiltered. This past week W had UTI - leading to more pain down below. She got antibiotics early in the week. They weren't working so I took her to urgent care Sunday for a new prescription. I didn't initiate anything over the weekend. Monday night was my last night home for the week and she got home from a tough day at work and bluntly told me we "needed to have sex" because she was stressed and needed it to relax her.
So I got the geisha girl treatment for about an hour and then she pleased me since she was still out of commission.
Last night I confirmed that she still feels zero sexual desire. Deep sigh. So this is what she said. She desires:
- My company
- My touch, my hugs and caresses
- My happiness and love
- For our marriage to continue to be strong
I asked her if she resented that I still had desire. She said she did not. I offered to "leave her alone sexually for a while". And she replied that sex was "core" to our marriage and would continue. She got angry and one point, compared her situation to male impotence and asked me why I needed to keep asking about it. Deeper sigh. I told her that the totally one way sex we have been having has been making me anxious. She understood. Conversation ended nicely.
Gently here. She loves you, that much is clear. She isn't happy with this situation anymore than you are and you keep pushing her. She has sex with you because she loves you but her desire isn't there and that isn't anything you did or that some other guy would make any different.
When she mentioned an impotent man, she was telling the truth. A man who cannot get an erection doesn't not want sex, he literally cannot get his parts (if you will) to work. She is in the exact same situation and if you keep pushing her, she will resent you.
She has sex with you despite her pain and yet that isn't enough for you. Her saying she was anxious and needed sex with you going away for a week is quite telling. Why is she anxious? If I had to guess it is because she knows how important sex is to you, you are not happy with what is going on with her and given what you have told her in the past, she is afraid that you will seek it elsewhere.
I don't know your wife from Eve but from what you have posted before, she is a remarkable, sharp and an amazing woman. She loves you, wants you and cherishes you. She has sex with you because she knows it is important to you. That is commitment and dedication. Why is that not enough for you given her medical issues? I really feel for her, I just do. If the roles were reversed and you weren't able to have sex, can you imagine for a moment how you would feel if your wife expressed dissatisfaction with your inability to want sex, nevermind that their is little you could do about it?
Why can't you be happy with an awesome wife who loves you enough to toss her pain aside, want intimacy with you and keep your relationship happy? I just don't get it.