| | Re: How do i stop it
Tell your wife!! There are only 5 alternative outcomes here. 1. You continue in the affair. You will get caught. We all do (I'm a wayward to), no one is cleaver enough to live a lie forever. So your W knows. 2. You quit the affair and the OW carries out her threat and tells your W. So your W knows. 3. You confess, so your W knows. 4. You continue on in the affair and your AP (affair partner) gets bored and bails before you get caught. Highly unlikely. 5. You quit the affair and your AP doesn't carry out her threat (only you know how likely she is to do this). The last two are the only alternatives in which your W doesn't know. So, best case scenario you've got a 40% chance of getting out of this without your W knowing. Do you think you're odds of saving your marriage are better if she hears this from you or from the OW? Just in case you don't know - they are infinitely better if she hears it from you for all the reasons oaksthorne described above.
It's tough. It's hard. It's painful. It's scary as hell. These are the prices of cheating. Be prepared to pay them. Take ownership of what you've done, accept responsibility, and give you're wife the whole truth. As was said above do not attempt to control information. The best single gift you can give your wife in such a lousy act is to give her all of the information up front. If you give her trickle truth you will make it 1,000 times harder on her.
There is also another reason to tell her. Something sent you outside your marriage. There is some need you're not getting met by your wife, which means odds are she's not getting something to and may not even realize it. Likely you may not know what it is that you're not getting met - I didn't. If you confide in you're wife and do the things necessary to reconcile this is a tremendous opportunity to reconnect with your wife, figure out where the marriage can be improved, and then move in those directions together. My wife and I are now better than we ever have been, it took my EA for us to both realize that we were taking our marriage fore granted. It's a tough, difficult road but it can actually improve your marriage in the long run.