Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Infertility, separation and now he got HER pregnant

Septua · 03-25-2009, 11:11 PM

I can't even believe I have anything to do with this sordid story. My estranged infertile husband got his girlfriend pregnant.

Here I am trying to just get over the separation and confronting whether or not I will have a family or not. The worst of it is that we live in separate cities now and NO ONE from my old community told me about either the pregnancy or the birth.

I found out after he finally decided to file for divorce...please note that it was several months after the child had been born. Someone not very close to me let me know. He told everyone who he knew was in touch with me to not tell me...and they did not tell me. He refuses to admit that he even has a girlfriend, even though we talked about her before. And completely denies anything about the child. I should say that i am in a no-fault divorce state so it is immaterial to the divorce proceedings.

I feel like I lost the opportunity to have a family because I stayed with him. I am now in my mid-40s. I feel completely shamed by our old community. I don't know if I can ever go back there again and I wasted 20 years building ties to a place I can't return to.

I have been in touch with these women in that community over the last calendar year when they knew all of this was going on. I am not surprised he didn't have the ability to tell me. But them?

Getting over the relationship is one thing. Getting over not having a family is another. But I'm devastated by the community reaction and the fact that I spent so many years on friendships that can't outlast my marriage.

There will be a court date, there is paperwork for me to find closure with him and his toxic mind.

How do I say goodbye, have closure with those so-called friends? If they didn't choose to inform me, do I have any future relationship with these people anyhow? What do I do with anger that is shifted by place and by time? How do I divorce a community?

03-25-2009, 11:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
Septua Registered User Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1	Infertility, separation and now he got HER pregnant I can't even believe I have anything to do with this sordid story. My estranged infertile husband got his girlfriend pregnant. Here I am trying to just get over the separation and confronting whether or not I will have a family or not. The worst of it is that we live in separate cities now and NO ONE from my old community told me about either the pregnancy or the birth. I found out after he finally decided to file for divorce...please note that it was several months after the child had been born. Someone not very close to me let me know. He told everyone who he knew was in touch with me to not tell me...and they did not tell me. He refuses to admit that he even has a girlfriend, even though we talked about her before. And completely denies anything about the child. I should say that i am in a no-fault divorce state so it is immaterial to the divorce proceedings. I feel like I lost the opportunity to have a family because I stayed with him. I am now in my mid-40s. I feel completely shamed by our old community. I don't know if I can ever go back there again and I wasted 20 years building ties to a place I can't return to. I have been in touch with these women in that community over the last calendar year when they knew all of this was going on. I am not surprised he didn't have the ability to tell me. But them? Getting over the relationship is one thing. Getting over not having a family is another. But I'm devastated by the community reaction and the fact that I spent so many years on friendships that can't outlast my marriage. There will be a court date, there is paperwork for me to find closure with him and his toxic mind. How do I say goodbye, have closure with those so-called friends? If they didn't choose to inform me, do I have any future relationship with these people anyhow? What do I do with anger that is shifted by place and by time? How do I divorce a community?