 Re: Do you ever feel...
Wow very complex issue. Not many people ask or think the way you have done here but it is a common concern.
My husband and I have known each other since we were in grade school and began dating in our teens. We have both changed tremendously physically, mentally and behaviorally. Why do I love the person he is now - he is not the same one that I fell in love with when I was a teen. I think I fall in love with him over and over again. I love the person he is and I love the way he approaches life and grows from experience. My love is different than it was when I did not know him as I do now. It is based in reality not fairytales.
I think one element is that we share a simular basic approach to life, many of the same values and we have years of shared experiences.
We could change in ways that we no longer loved each other enough to want to stay married. I thought I had gotten to that point two yrs ago. But through hard work, we fell back in love. The essence of the person I loved was still there but I got caught up in little battles which constituted 10% of our shared life and ignored the 90% that was outstanding.
Maybe that is what is meant when we say love is a choice. You chose at each stage and transition to keep loving this person and accept the changes if there is still enough good and satisfying with the person as they are. Sometimes the changes are natural and understanding helps keep love going.
To answer your question - I refell in love with the person he is now who has been through so much we me and gave me children but I probably would not have sustained a loving relationship if he was still the same as he was when we first met. I hope we keep choosing to fall in love again and again, we will see what happens.
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