Originally Posted by HerToo
I'm sorry you are going through such an emotional time.
I'd like to ask you for some input if I may.
My wife is not in the same place as you being that I am still at home, going to IC, provide full transparency, and have maintained NC with the OW. But the hurt is there regardless. My wife is afraid of losing me. When we talked, I told her that I'm so sorry I hurt her to the core. I also told her that she could never trust me 100% again. She agreed on the trust, but disagreed on the "core" part. She said that me leaving her would be hurting her to the core.
I feel like I have lost my love for my wife, and that I no longer deserve to love her because of what I did. I'm working on both issues, but it's not looking good right now. Running off to the OW is not an option since she dropped me like a rock on D-Day. My wife and I have 3 adult kids, and the OW is divorced with no kids.
How is leaving worse than cheating, especially when I would make sure that the only she loses in a divorce is me?
If I'm not able to get back the love I once had for my wife, would it be right for us to stay married?
My wife hasn't gone through the anger stage yet. She is out of town this week, and I think that she will be thinking about this whole mess when she's alone. I think the anger phase will hit during this time. As you go through the anger phase, could you share with me your feelings about saying "enough!" and getting a divorce if your husband was going through what I'm going through?
I think the fact that you are trying to see your marriage through is a big step in the right direction. It hasn't been that long since D-day, has it? Only a few months if I'm not mistaken. It will take some time to get to a place where you can make a solid choice on whether you can love her again or not. Give it some more time and the answer will come to you. I also think that staying in a loveless marriage is not fair to you or your wife. If you come to realize that there is really no more love, than you should move on. Yes it will hurt but hurt heals with time...or so I've been told.
I actually am still in the pain and guilt stage. I do go into anger on occasion but it is usually short lived. Your wife wants to be with you. You are working on your marriage. Maybe she sees this and will not get angry. She has to know that anger won't solve any issues at this point. It sounds like the remorse and guilt you feel is to much to handle and you expect your wife to get angry, belittle you or make you feel horrible. Almost like you deserve this treatment, but you don't. You are trying to handle things the right way. Even if the marriage doesn't work out, at least you tried.
I wish that my husband would come home and show an ounce of remorse for what he has done. After everything he has put me through, I still love him and I still value our marriage. I would love to work on making this marriage what I know it can be. Just hang in there for a little while longer if you can. Try not to make any major decisions the way you feel now. My husband has made some very irrational decisions in the past month because he won't stop to think. He just keeps going with the flow. Maybe if he had a little of the courage you have, I wouldn't be in this situation.