Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wife has zero sex drive
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post #6 of (permalink) Old 11-08-2011, 11:18 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 18
Re: Wife has zero sex drive

I am not going to condemn you. I am no better or worse than you are… We are all only human and have to find ways to deal with the hard times in our lives. I can only offer you my thoughts. Question? What is the right thing to do?

This is what I would do...

I would try and communicate the following post to my wife;
How many women actually get it?

I'd say, give it to your wife if you have to! However, I don't suggest it... I'd simply try to start better communication with her by conveying what helps you feel more fulfilled in your marriage with her. And don't make it all about sex. Try to explain your feelings over time in as kind and loving way as you can:

Then... Make sure you are not one of these men;

Often a wife's reluctance has something to do with her husbands offensive approach toward her about this matter. Most of the time, if a man "blows up" on his woman, it is primarily because HE is not getting sex. HE is not getting something HE wants from his wife and so HE lets her know HE is unhappy about HIS doing without... and as you can already see... what is missing is the BIGGER MENTALITY that is more concerned about the marriage relationship... that is more concerned about the MUTUAL GOOD. He is projecting to his wife that he is ALL ABOUT HIMSELF.

A more diplomatic approace might sound something like this;

"I want both of us to enjoy the best possible life together. I want to be happy... and I want YOU to be happy just as much. Clearly, you have not been truly happy for the last few years, and I sure don't want you to continue being that way... I know you don't want to be unhappy... So, what do we need to do... what do I need to do... what are the things I need to change... what do you need to change... so that you can be happy again? And, if you aren't too sure at this moment in time, then lets simply try to identify just one thing that you'd like to change or see different and we can try and take care of that one thing... and that could get things moving back to better direction of happiness."


Educate yourself somemore;

What does the Bible say about divorce? PART I

What does the Bible say about divorce? PART 2

AND... Understand that two wrongs NEVER can make it right.

YOU MUST - Make sure your wife truly understands your need for fulfillment... Just like you, she has her needs... HOWEVER they are much different... She may not SEE this! Maybe it's kind of in her mind but not her heart.

Once she understands.... she MUST acknowledge to you that she fully understands.... Get her to verbalize this! If she can't.... Try to help her by being patient and understanding. Maybe it will take her time to absorb. Then ask if she is willing to help meet your needs. Have her express her feelings. Once she clearly understands... and has expressed herself, then you'll have a greater peace of mind once you have done this.

Doing this step will help you confirm later by her actions wether she truly loves you and wants be a part of the marriage or not.

Then give her what she needs. TIME without browbeating, pushing, comments, pouting... and within a reasonable time she should start showing signs of caring or not caring. But, you need to LET GO TOTALLY AND LET GOD DEAL WITH HER at that point. Continue to pray for your wife, and for her softened heart and opened mind.

If you continue to interfear after you have done all this GOD will NOT be jumping in your way to do what He is capable of doing. He honors your free will. He will YIELD and not intrude on your actions... no matter how wrong they may be. God empowers you in these times as long as you are willing to let go, do what is right, and simply trust Him.

In the end it will have to be your wife's decision to change... And, it's also going to be based on her free will to change. God will certainly prompt her and help bring her closer to you in your mariage... but it is always a matter of both of you deciding individually to exersize your freewill in following His plan for your marriage. Either one of you may choose to remain hardened.

Finally, CHECK YOURSELF. Are you truly holding up your end of the deal.... Discover any areas of resentment she may have towards you. Make changes, give love, be very patient, and remain faithful. This will take time for her to process. Ask God for His help and power inorder to strengthen you beyond the natural.

Be aware this whole process may take allot longer than you wish depending on your particular marriage situation... There are always consequences to our past actions or inactions that can surface and have an impact on our present situation. Every marriage has different roadblocks that can slow positive change down, and your marriage is no exception. Continue to move ahead, knowing that as long as you are on the right path your your good will come.

Last edited by Gaylord; 11-09-2011 at 02:49 PM.
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