Originally Posted by omega
Here's my take on it, coming from the opposite perspective (my husband and I have a dominant/submissive dynamic but he's the dominant one, not me). This is a lifestyle (meaning, a way of arranging yourselves around each other and the marriage) which is based on sexuality. It's basically a sex thing, to put it simply. The reason people who do this like it (especially the "outside the bedroom" parts of it) is because it turns them on sexually.
So, while your husband loves you and wants to do this with you, the ideal situation for him (and you) would be if he were with someone who ALSO found it a turn-on.
If I (the submissive one) were in your husband's position, I would find it very uncomfortable and NOT a turn-on at all to do this sort of thing with someone who wasn't as turned on by it as I was (or more).
That's why I checked "no" in the poll above. I think this should be something that both want, otherwise you're welcoming the potential for a LOT of problems. That doesn't mean it can't work for you guys. Obviously after 26 years of happy marriage you aren't going to give up over this. But bear in mind that this is a pretty powerful sexual thing, not him enjoying doing the dishes. He's still human; he probably still hates doing the dishes
If he's looking at those websites, don't put your head in the sand - this is a SEXUAL thing for him. He might try to tell you it isn't in order not to freak you out. If this doesn't turn you on, you have to face the fact that you might not be sexually compatible.
Of course after 26 years together, I'm sure you'll be able to work it out. Good luck
At the moment I cannot say how and if all this is based on sexual as my husband did not put it that way. And frankly, it would be a lot easier for me to comprehend it if it was. As far as it goes for me, I am a quite sexual person and there aren't many turn offs for me in whatever I do with my husband.
Thinking of being on top, I have to say, it is more of a turn on then a turn off.
However, I am not sure you are right when you say he doesn't like doing dishes and similar stuff just beacuse he is human...quite honestly, if you pay close attention, you might get a feeling he actually enjoys house chores very much...which is very much fine by me