 Re: Too late for the 180?
Please allow me to clarify a misconception regarding the 180 degrees rules. The 180 degrees rules are not a manipulation tool to get your husband to end his affair and recommitt to doing the hard work of marital recovery. They are an empowerment tool for the betrayed spouse which will give him/her the emotional strength to move on with his/her life with or without his/her unfaithful spouse. The impact that a successful implementation of the 180 degrees rules brings cannot be underestimated in the personal recovery of a betrayed spouse. No matter what happens to the marriage, the betrayed spouse will heal and move on with his/her life, a better one.
The confusion regarding its purpose lies in a side effect on a cake eating unfaithful spouse. When the 180 degrees spouse begins to move on with his/her life, often times the cake eating spouse panics and tries to negotiate with the 180 degrees spouse in order to maintain the status quo. But the 180 degrees spouse no longer wants to be the fall back spouse, says no and proceeds to file for divorce. The strain becomes too much on the cake eating spouse and this usually is enough to pop the fantasy bubble of the affair and have the cheating spouse begging to the betrayed spouse to not leave him/her. But this is a side effect of a successful implementation of the 180 degrees rules and only presents itself with cake eating spouses and not with walk away spouses who have checked out of the marriage. Which of the two does your husband fall into?
__________________ "Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein Links | 