Originally Posted by tacoma
Certainly it does.
If wanting reconciliation you must first get your spouse to admit the infidelity and show remorse.
They don`t usually do this unless confronted with serious objective evidence.
It also enables the BS to "Go Nuclear" if he/she wishes to shock & awe the WS out of the fog.
I know if my wife were cheating the road to recovery would be long, hard, and filled with gaslighting and trickle truth if I called her on a few texts.
If I used those texts as a starting point to get embarrassing emails, voice recording, and tracking info of where she was then served her with divorce papers & informed the Om`s wife before ever even mentioned I had a clue it`d hit her like a ton of bricks.
She`s much more likely to be pliable and her affair would have been severely damaged if not destroyed.
She`d be hanging by a thread and she`d know it.
She`d have to be compliant or lose everything.
So the evidence is for the wife. Here is the problem with that. The longer you let the affair go, the stronger that it gets and the less likely that she will want to break it off when you do confront.
You say that the evidence will allow you to go "Go Nuclear" so that you can "shock & awe the WS out of the fog". Well guess what. He can do that now. Again, he saw the pictures and so did she. If he goes nuclear, although she will lie to his face, she will know that he must have seen the pictures and will know why he went nuke on her. In fact by going nuke on her without showing her everything that he knows, she will not know exactly what he knows, only that he knows enough and may assume that he knows more than he does. There will be the same "shock & awe" but with her having less time invested in the affair.
Sitting back and allowing the OM even more time to cheat with your wife as you gather evidence for your wife that she already knows about makes no sense. The fact that she will know that you were so beta that you actually did this, will work against you in getting her back from the OM. Stop think only what she thinks matters. Act on what you know because what you think matters too.