blind

First, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I have read this entire thread. Let me just make a few comments. I am going through some significant marital troubles as well. However, in my marriage I was the one that put many other things before my wife. She is the one feeling more like you. In any case, here are my observations so take them for what they are worth.

First, she is willing to go to counseling, so go! Poor communication breeds a host of problems. It may be that despite your past efforts to express to her your unhappiness, she is only now starting to realize the issues. I was the same way. My wife tried to tell me how she felt, but I didn't see the gravity of the situation until she told me she didn't know if she wanted our marriage to work and that she doesn't really love me any more. Please don't wait that long before addressing these issues. If she is willing to go to counseling, get to it.

Second, she told you her job is more of a priority than you. I know you don't want to hear things like this, but atleast she is being honest and recognizes this. If she told you that you came before her job you probably would not have believed her and resented her for lying. The truth often hurts, but until it is out on the table it can't really be addressed.

Third, I don't care what you read and hear, I believe people can change. I am in the process of changing and putting my wife first. Others have successfully done the same. Granted, a person must want to change if it is going to happen. It is a difficult process for me after how I have prioritized my life for the past 10+ years. But, I realize how I have hurt my wife and our marriage. I am willing to change to try and save my marriage and regain my wife's love and support. Don't expect this to be a quick fix. I am only beginning the process but have talked to many that are further down the road (months and years down the road). It will take time and effort from both of you, but, it can and has been done.

Fourth, if I read everything correctly, you love her and she loves you. This is a great place to start the repair process. There are scores of people out there trying to fix their marriage after the love has died for one of the spouses. No one wants to have martial problems. But, still being in love should give you some comfort that things can still work and should give you some motivation to try.

Fifth, be careful what you wish for. Cheating is a vile creature. I don't wish that on anyone. Even the suspicion that a spouse is cheating can cause you grave pain and sorrow. Through effective communication and/or counseling you and your wife can find out and "nail down" the issues. You might just find out that her needs aren't really being met either. Just think how you would feel if your needs were all being met. You would want to do your best to meet her needs. But, when your needs aren't being met, you have very little desire to meet the needs of the other. What I am learning is that in the past I was trying to give my wife what I wanted, not what she wanted. So, I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. WRONG. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to shift the blame to you. I am just trying to give you some incite as to what she may be thinking. In short, the two of you need to effectively communicate your needs to the other. When this happens, you will be able to "nail down" the issues and get to work on them.

I know this was too long, but hopefully there is something in there that will be of help. Best of luck to you.