| | Re: my wife's emotional affair
You really should be verifying her commitment to you and the marriage. We've seen on theses threads more times than not the LS trusting their DS blindly after d-day only to have the affair go underground.
You both have a common goal of being open and honest? Wasn't that your common goal on the day you got married? She's already violated your trust and doesn't deserve it until she shows through her actions that she's really on the same page with you again. Due to the nature of EAs, it will be very difficult for her to keep NC.
It sounds like your wife was very heavy into an EA with the OM, this will not be easy for her to get over. You need to be vigilant, because she will crave the attention he gave to her and the attention won't be the same coming from you. It's an addiction and it doesn't go away just because the DS says they'll stop.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but stay vigilant and keep digging. Your wife states the affair was not physical, but be braced for the fact that most DS's trickle truth and it's very possible she had a PA too. Especially if she hasn't been sleeping with you, it's possible it was her way of being faithful to the OM.
Please tell the OMW, because it increases your chances of saving your marriage. The OM will be busy saving his own marriage and will most likely toss aside your wife. Don't tell your wife you're doing this, she will want to protect the OM. She'll also realize that by exposing to the OMW, the affair will most likely be truly dead and no longer an option. She'll may be furious with you for exposing, but that's evidence of a DS who wasn't really ready to recommit. They're loyalities are with the OM.
Be aware of your wife and if you think she is truly remorseful. A remoseful spouse who wants to commit will be willing to do anything to save the marriage. They'll offer to expose to the world, they'll get tested for STD's, they'll take a polygraph, they'll reveal all passwords, they'll offer to be GPS tracked, they'll take all blame for the actual affair . . . these are indicators you have a spouse who is serious about saving the marriage. If the DS balks at anything you need to heal, blameshifts, gets defensive, and trickle truths . . . it is not a good sign.