Optimisticone

Hello everyone! I'm a male and brand new to this forum. Just signed up 2 minutes ago. Thanks in advance for your help, feedback or if you can simply relate and cry in your beer with me. Searched the internet for a place to speak openly about my marriage concerns. My story is that I have been married for 4 years and sex with my wife has become almost non-existent and unfulfilling. I have very strong sexual desires and would probably prefer sex 3-4 x's a week. (Don't think I have EVER had sex with the wife 4 x's a week...I'd be extremely lucky if it was 2 x's a week, but that was years ago. That would have probably been my birthday week or something) I'm lucky if we have sex twice a month now....Yup...twice a month and always when she wants it, never when I initiate it. Of course, I'm always eager to have sex when she finally wants it, but I completely expect to get turned down if I initiate it. There is NO sexual tension or flirting anymore from her. When we do have sex, she is quiet as a mouse. I can't get her to talk to me or even look at me...She basically tunes me out and focuses on her orgasm. I can't get her to connect with me at all during sex. I make sure that she ALWAYS has her orgasm first and then I work on mine. I love giving her oral sex and of course I love to receive it. The only time she will speak to me during sex is when she's already had her orgasm and she wants me to "hurry up" and have mine… I've tried many times to talk to her in very erotic ways but she just doesn't participate. I have sent her very erotic, sexually explicit emails and she doesn't respond. I've asked her why she doesn’t respond and she doesn't respond to that email either. I’ve asked her to her face and she says “let’s talk about it later”....I've asked her if she feels that my emails are inappropriate and she doesn't respond. I'm a monogamous man who is dedicated to this marriage, but I can't spend the rest of my life in pretty much a sexless marriage... I feel trapped! We've gone to marriage counseling before and I think that it may be that time again, but truthfully I'm just not optimistic that much will change with her...I would love to have a woman who has a strong sex drive, to match mine, and is willing to flirt and work at it. I think sex with the one you love should be exciting and different. I would LOVE for her to challenge me...surprise me in bed...That ain't happening. I've tried to "schedule" love-making with her. but she refuses...saying that scheduling sex is not spontaneous...Yet she doesn't have a spontaneous bone in her body, so sex just doesn't happen. I don't want to fail at this marriage, but one thing I just can't bargain away is my need for sexual fun and exploration. Can anybody relate to what I’m going through?
OptimisticOne...