Cabledog1

I'll start with a bit of background. My wife and I have been married almost 7 years. I'm 32 and she is going to be 29 shortly. No kids, we rent a very nice place, don't have a ton of debt. In that time we've gone through the normal hurdles of relationships (a parents death, money issues etc.) The relationship wasn't fantastic- we both had things that we would have improved, but they didn't seem bad enough to go through the possible aggrivation of an argument over them. Silent suffering to keep the other "happy" I guess. But I never had a doubt that I could rely on her.

Fast foward to 5 months ago. I discovered she had an affair. We begin marrige counciling a month later from that. Now it's been a cascade of issues from her that have apparently been happening for years. There have been two emotional infidelities on top of the one physical one. They seemed to be linked to traumatic times in our life. After a couple months of therapy the issues start to come out. The therapist reccomends she goes to individual therapy. From there her issues seem to compound. She has stated she has no direction in life, that she can't even see where she wants to be in 6 months. As best I've been able to, I've tried to help her find direction in the years up to this. I worked my butt off so she could work part time and go back to school. After one year back she lost interest and grades fell.

It's been a lot of her telling me what she thinks I want to hear and then doing another. The week before she asked for a trial seperation, we were talking about having kids, getting another dog, vacation plans etc. Then the next day I get home from work to a letter and all of her stuff gone. That she needed time away from the relationship to clear her head. We had a therapy session that night we both went to and the therapist loosely but down the ground rules for the seperation. We agreed on roughly a month. Talking to the therapist solo, it seemed that both therapists recommended the split because she was too "comfortable" in the relationship- there was no impetus for change for her.

I'm now 15 days into it, and while I desperatly want my wife back, I'm conflicted. Who is the real person? Is it the person I thought she was over the years or is it the person who has surfaced these past few months? Do I look at these issues at manifistations of her deeper problem with direction or do I take the issues seperately?

I'm so ungodly confused and second guessing my entire life. I've just tried to be a good husband and give my wife the opportunities to do what makes her happy, and I get this.