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post #12 of (permalink) Old 11-16-2011, 07:06 PM
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Re: What's a good marriage like? How do you know if it's the kind that lasts.

Originally Posted by romantic_guy View Post
I have told my story before on these forums (I hope people don't get tired of hearing it) but we got married at 16 and 17 because she was pregnant. I feel we have an awesome marriage, 39 years last July. Here are a few things off the top of my head:

1. It is based on mutual unconditional love and respect.

2. We are best friends.

3. We have learned how to handle disagreements and conflicts (do a search on "fighting fair" and how to effectively communicate. Consequently, we rarely "argue". The last time we had an argument was the first week in July. We learned years ago (through counseling) that the vast majority of disagreements are simply differences of opinion, not matters of right and wrong so we seek to find a win-win solution rather than a win-lose solution.

4. We meet each others needs emotionally and sexually.

5. We make our relationship the #1 priority in our lives.

6. We seek to live the Kingdom principles taught by Jesus of love, forgiveness, and generosity, among others and seek to live this verse:

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Cor. 7

Emotionally healthy marriages can only come from 2 people seeking to become emotionally healthy themselves. No one is without issues, but anyone can seek to grow and become a better person and become more emotionally healthy today than they were yesterday.
I can feel the tranquility and joy you have from your marriage.

Ours is very similar to yours. I am 38, my husband is 34. We have been together for eight years, married for six.

1. Mutual respect! Being respectful, nice, and kind to each other is very important. For unconditional love, I have different opinion, I feel that I have to be good to gain his love, and he has to meet a certain standards of mine so I love him. But commitment and responsibility to one's marriage is important. When we face problems in our marriage, we don't walk out easily.

2. We are best friends to each other. We talk, we laugh, we cry, we share everything together. We don't hide anything from each other. It is such a wonderful feeling to be married to a man who you feel so close and comfortable with.

3. At the beginning of our marriage, we argued more often. But now we are the same as you. We seldom argue. For this whole year, we were upset about each other maybe twice, and it dissolved in a short while. Like you said, very often we just have different opinion, there isn't right or wrong, and being right is not important at all. The important thing is to share and understand each other.

4. Meeting each other's needs emotionally and sexually makes us happy and content with our marriage. The feeling is so strong that you really don't want to take a second glance at other men. You cherish what you have, you don't want to do anything to ruin it.

5. Yes! Some people especially men put their career the No.1 priority in their life. They work hard and try to gain other people's admiration, but at the mean time, they are sacrificing their family. I am glad that I am married to a man who is not thirsty for power and name. He is just a family man, but a man who is responsible and mature.

6. Living according to Bible standards protects our health, our life, and our marriage. The temptation from this world is strong, self-control ability is very important. I believe that peace and excitement don't go together. I would rather have PEACE. It can be boring somethings, but the joy of peace is worth it.

A strong sense of responsibility, a strong sense of commitment, a strong sense of respect and kindness( Hurting others is wrong, hurting the one we are married is extremely wrong, but a lot of people are doing it, they don't even realize it)

Last edited by greenpearl; 11-16-2011 at 07:11 PM.
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