Originally Posted by ripped
I'm scared to criticise her for anything in case she runs to the comfort of the lover.
This is your weakness and will make you sabotage yourself. NEVER be afraid of being alone or to dump them if you have to. 99% of the time when you kick them to the curb they are not able to handle the rejection from you and end up begging to come back. I've yet to see a WS "run the their lover" when dumped by the BS (I have seen them go to them ONLY because they didn't have any other options so not willingly anyway).
If that's what she really wanted to do she would have already done it.
I'm so mixed up , i'm trying the "understanding guy" and the total lack of remorse is destroying me, so i'll take your "don't care" advice and see how it goes.
Yea, being "understanding" is just another word for "enabling" when it come to affairs. The best responses tend to be more on the anger side, after all she just stabbed you in the back and showed you that she no longer respects you, why would you "understand" that. You are the victim, not her. She went out of her way to cheat for her own selfish reasons that had NOTHING to do with you. This isn't your fault, she had a million other options to deal with whatever issues she had and she CHOOSE to screw around on you.
You can't just roll over and let her get away with it, there has to be consequences or she will think you are spineless and that she can cheat again since you won't protect yourself from her. What she did was grounds for a divorce, let her know that and let her know that may be where you are heading.
If someone robs a bank, you don't let them off the hook just because they say they are sorry and won't do it again. They never should have done it in the first place and if you let them go they might do it again since they know how to talk themselves out of getting in trouble.