Sorry for the somewhat shameless bump, but I would still like to hear more people's opinions on the matter.
It's obvious to me that, mid-to-long term, one should definitely stop "eavesdropping" on what your spouse is doing not only to allow them to have their privacy but so that you don't get consumed with every single site they visit or whatever (we all do odd web searches every once in a while).
The thing is in this case very little time has elapsed, and while her attitude and body language seems to be quite positive it's obvious to me that it is very easy for her to lapse into contact with OM (or start flirting on the Net to make up for the buzz she had), if she is - indeed - not still in contact.
When did all of you, betrayed folk, started letting go? What signs did your relevant other give you that you felt it was ok to do so?
I would also like to hear your story if you loosened up on the checking only to find out that your spouse ended up backsliding and what would you have done differently were it to happen now?
Thanks to all that already replied and all the ones that will do so now.