Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Platonic roommate instead of a married couple

BellaInfamous · 11-22-2011, 02:40 PM

I'm a new member to this site, I found it surfing around online and thought it would be a great place to seek advice.

I've been married for 3 years after dating my husband for 6 months and being engaged for a year. We come from different backgrounds, he's a Conservative who comes from a VERY religious, large tight knit family. He was an admitted momma's boy. He didn't attend a public school instead was enrolled in the school at his families church (which everyone admits now was sub-par). He had been single into his early 30's and given up all hope for marriage. I on the other hand was in my mid-twenties and grew up in a military family where we constantly moved so I'm not as close with my extended family as he is. My parents raised me to be an independent thinker without any fixed views but leaning to the left.

When we dated he was sweet and attentive.We went out all the time. Sex was great and often. After we got engaged we had to hide the fact that we lived together because he was concerned that it might disappoint his parents. Everything before the wedding was great.

After the wedding things changed. Our sex life dropped off completely. I'd want it and when I brought up the subject he'd complain I was nagging him. About a year into our marriage I lost my job and he totaled his car leaving me without one. I'm fine with the arrangement but outside of my husband and our church I don't regularly come into contact with people. When he comes home he just wants to watch tv and then go to bed. On weekends I'll want to do things and he'll lounge around the house wasting time only to rush me through my planned actives so he can go home and couch surf. I honestly feel like we're platonic roommates instead of spouses.

I've talked to him about this repeatedly and things will get better for about 2 weeks and then it will go back to the way it was. Every time I say I want to leave, he'll beg me to stay. In May I had a very sort lived emotional affair with my ex who lives in England. I confessed to him about it and he said to forget about it and never talks about it. In the past 3 years I've tried EVERYTHING to get us back to how we were before we got married.

I just don't know what to do.

11-22-2011, 02:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
BellaInfamous Registered User Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 4	Platonic roommate instead of a married couple I'm a new member to this site, I found it surfing around online and thought it would be a great place to seek advice. I've been married for 3 years after dating my husband for 6 months and being engaged for a year. We come from different backgrounds, he's a Conservative who comes from a VERY religious, large tight knit family. He was an admitted momma's boy. He didn't attend a public school instead was enrolled in the school at his families church (which everyone admits now was sub-par). He had been single into his early 30's and given up all hope for marriage. I on the other hand was in my mid-twenties and grew up in a military family where we constantly moved so I'm not as close with my extended family as he is. My parents raised me to be an independent thinker without any fixed views but leaning to the left. When we dated he was sweet and attentive.We went out all the time. Sex was great and often. After we got engaged we had to hide the fact that we lived together because he was concerned that it might disappoint his parents. Everything before the wedding was great. After the wedding things changed. Our sex life dropped off completely. I'd want it and when I brought up the subject he'd complain I was nagging him. About a year into our marriage I lost my job and he totaled his car leaving me without one. I'm fine with the arrangement but outside of my husband and our church I don't regularly come into contact with people. When he comes home he just wants to watch tv and then go to bed. On weekends I'll want to do things and he'll lounge around the house wasting time only to rush me through my planned actives so he can go home and couch surf. I honestly feel like we're platonic roommates instead of spouses. I've talked to him about this repeatedly and things will get better for about 2 weeks and then it will go back to the way it was. Every time I say I want to leave, he'll beg me to stay. In May I had a very sort lived emotional affair with my ex who lives in England. I confessed to him about it and he said to forget about it and never talks about it. In the past 3 years I've tried EVERYTHING to get us back to how we were before we got married. I just don't know what to do.