Originally Posted by hurtandalone
My only suggestion is this. Do what you can to help you forgive yourself. Help her to understand that you are willing to forgive her. Treat her with the utmost respect, and recognize that although there may have been some form of indiscresion, we are all human. Remember the Woman at the Well..... the parable speaks for itself. She may well be hurt, and you may well be hurt. Use those counseling sessions, and see what you guys can work out. As for "dousing yourself in gasoline".... there has to be a refiners fire somewhere. Remember there is only one being able to judge, although many try. Look to Him, remember your faith. Listen to the teachings of your Church leaders, seek help from them. Try to find a counselor who is of the same values, go from there. Who knows, maybe it is too far past help, but give it your best shot. Fight for her. Show her that she is worth more to you than "a roommate and babysitter".
Hurtandalone, while I do not disagree with that he should fight for his marriage, I am very pro-marriage, we all are here, but the advice you are giving him is so wrong! You said in a previous post that you are new to the whole infidelity thing, well, I'm a "seasoned pro" at it. I was the betrayed spouse who did exactly what he is doing with "fighting for them" and "showing him he was worth it" crap. And yanno what??? IT WAS THE WORST EFFING ADVICE ANYBODY EVER GAVE ME!!!!!!! Nothing was solved, nothing got better. I rug swept all the problems and pretended it never happened then 6 years later BAM! More trouble. 3 affair partners in 8 months. And I can tell you, and I can tell him and I can tell the "wifey" that unless this problem is addressed properly, and people have to suffer their consequences, there is no hope. Love does NOT fix a damned thing. Love is an emotion, not a gall-danged fix-it-all. You can't make someone love you by showing them affection, all you end up being is a doormat. Do you know what doormats are used for? For wiping the mud and sh*t off your shoes, that's what. Nobody snuggles with a doormat. Nobody praises a doormat. Nobody rushes home to a doormat. That's so freaking retarded. Geesh.