Originally Posted by Laurae1967
See, now this seems like really scary thinking. So you only give her an apology if she will forgive you? So unless you get forgiveness you are not sorry for hurting her? I don't get it.
Either you are sorry for hurting someone you love or you aren't. What you "get" out of it is irrelevant.
This indicates some "tit for tat" and keeping score dynamics in your marriage. This is a marriage killer.
Unfortunately it’s very much his wife is the one who is keeping score. Most especially the tit-for-tat. Men typically don't do that stuff. “You hurt me, I’ll never forgive you. I’ll make you pay for it”.
His wife is the one who must be motivated to forgive and move on towards a better relationship. Without that the guy hasn’t a hope in hell, he’ll just be spinning his wheels. But with that motivation then what he does will either help or sabotage the process.
There’s actually a new disorder trying to get recognition. Post Embitterment Stress Disorder. It’s reasonably controversial at the moment but my personal experience speaks the truth of it.
There are some who will never ever forgive no matter what the person their persecution and punishment is aimed at does. If Balance’s wife is one of those the sooner he finds out the better for him. And making a deal about if he apologises will she forgive is one sure way of finding out very quickly. At the very least he’ll know the size of the mountain he’ll have to climb.
A wife’s embitterment is one massive fitness test for a husband and its fraught with minefields.
His wife is the one who is killing the marriage through her need for persecution, revenge and punishment. I actually think it's quite wicked and sometimes evil. If she really feels that way about him she should leave.