| | Re: So upset...please help
The OP is looking for help in reconciling, not the same old "get a divorce, get a divorce". He's having a hard time and doesn't need a bunch of people piling on like a bunch of bullies.
As to the question. It takes time and patience. If she used to love you she can do it again. Keep working at it.
Affairs are like other addictions. Its not easy to get over, but people do it all the time. It will get better but there will be good days and bad days.
The book you are using is supposed to be great. Work hard at it but stay calm and do not push. Most people don't get the opportunity to reconcile but 80% of the couples that divorce over infidelity regret not sticking with it and working it out.
Many, many people on these threads say their marriage ends up much better and stronger than ever before.