| | Re: Lying & Denial
I was in this same predicament for 1 year. I heard it referred as 'trickle truth' and its true. But my experience with it is that they think about what to tell you...much like thinking about a chess move. They try to play out in their minds how they can make excuses for it etc and they make sure that they have a way out to come out as innocent as they can.
I went through so much of this with my soon to be ex. She sent me on so many roller coaster rides but finally in the end I realized it was more than just a little lying. I'm not saying this is your case, but my experience is that she was giving me sacrificial truths....she would offer these little sacrifices as a way for me to see that she is coming clean. but it kept happening too much.
Now I realized that it wasnt just once that she cheated. She cheated 2 years before the one she admitted to. She still wont admit it but I found out!
Eventually what may happen is that you will lose all trust in your husband if he doesnt come clean all at once...like me. then it will make you doubt everything he says, and you will catch yourself going through his emails one day...and you may find things that blow your mind...like me.
Nip it in the butt and go to couple's counseling. tell them its hard to heal from this by him not coming clean all at once. He needs to let it all out...everything.
He needs to admit that it wasn't an 'oops!' situation. That doesnt happen! People have intent and motives...he needs to be frank about it all, his feelings behind it and all.
My wife refuses. She puts all the blame on me and the guy she screwed...and she wont even acknowledge the night she went out for st. patricks day and had a one night stand. Both of these times she claimed rape too, only to change it later, ridiculous.
Your husband may have a lying problem. That goes deeper than the infidelity. Its not your fault and if he's not willing to change that then I suggest you stop waiting for him.