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demora · 02-25-2008, 12:40 PM

My mom is very ill and lives in a nursing home. She has Lupus and has been on dialysis for about 6 years now. She had a small stroke about a year ago and a few months ago her fistula blew and she almost bled to death. I think this because her vascular surgeon keeps telling her that she scared him and he was afraid she was going to die.

I'm an only child, so I'm the only one available to visit her and take care of her needs. I try to balance the time between my mom and my husband, but he seems to really resent the time I spend with her. He always welcome and I invite him to come all of the time. Both of his parents passed away, and my mom is all we have in the way of parents between the two of us. She wants so much to love him and to look at him like her son.

He comes up with me once every few months to have dinner with her, but doesn't really spend much quality time with her at all...and sometimes, I almost feel he wants me to chose between the two of them....and unfortunately if he tries to force that, he will lose.

My mom was not perfect while I was growing up and she made some mistakes as I got older...but I dealt with my feelings, forgave her and forgave myself. Now we have a very strong relationship and I love her very much. I know she's not going to be there forever, and I don't want to miss a moment wit her.

Is that wrong? Selfish? Unrealistic?

02-25-2008, 12:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
demora Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 69	My husband resents my mom time.... My mom is very ill and lives in a nursing home. She has Lupus and has been on dialysis for about 6 years now. She had a small stroke about a year ago and a few months ago her fistula blew and she almost bled to death. I think this because her vascular surgeon keeps telling her that she scared him and he was afraid she was going to die. I'm an only child, so I'm the only one available to visit her and take care of her needs. I try to balance the time between my mom and my husband, but he seems to really resent the time I spend with her. He always welcome and I invite him to come all of the time. Both of his parents passed away, and my mom is all we have in the way of parents between the two of us. She wants so much to love him and to look at him like her son. He comes up with me once every few months to have dinner with her, but doesn't really spend much quality time with her at all...and sometimes, I almost feel he wants me to chose between the two of them....and unfortunately if he tries to force that, he will lose. My mom was not perfect while I was growing up and she made some mistakes as I got older...but I dealt with my feelings, forgave her and forgave myself. Now we have a very strong relationship and I love her very much. I know she's not going to be there forever, and I don't want to miss a moment wit her. Is that wrong? Selfish? Unrealistic?