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Thread: Messy spouse
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Old 04-15-2009, 04:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
cra
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1
Default Messy spouse

I'm 24 and my wife's 22, we've been together for 2 years and were married just over a month ago. When we met she had a daughter who was 3 months old(father was a dead beat, and strange enough a year into the relationship he did die), so I've raiser her as my own. Also 3 months ago we had a little boy. I love my wife dearly and our 2 kids and I've never been happier these past 2 years. Now I currently work and she stays home with the kids, since our babysitter ate up her entire paycheck we decided it was best she stayed home.

Now my problem is this, my wife is a messy person. I don't mean personal hygiene I mean she doesn't always pick up after herself. I work nights and sleep during the day and its frustrating when I come home to a house and see trash and cups and plates all over or a sink full dirty dishes, baby bottles, sippy cups, or just food that's been scraped into the sink instead of the trash. I've even found dirty diapers just sitting on the floor. Other things like not wiping off a highchair after it gets used or picking up whenever food has been thrown on the floor. Now I know she is busy with both kids but in my opinion I don't think its very difficult or time consuming to rinse a dish out or walk to a trashcan. I'm not a clean freak by any means, but I think this is a heath hazard waiting to happen.

Now whenever I've tried to bring up this issue in the past she gets very defensive about how she has 2 kids to take care of. I know this is a valid excuse, but its only valid up to a point. Plus our kids are the easiest to take care of, neither is hard to please. Our son is a quiet baby only cries when hes hungry and our daughter can entertain herself for hours and when she wants something she can pretty much tell us what it is without much fuss. But the discussion always seems to end up in an argument.

I'm not opposed to helping and I try to clean up what I find when I get home after work, its just a nuisance when its 2am and I just finished a 10hour shift(I'm tired). And its getting old when I feel every weekend is spent cleaning and if there is no time to clean it just gets put off till next weekend which just makes it harder.

We both know counseling would be a huge benefit to our marriage but we just cant afford it. We've looked into a few free family counseling but they are always booked and just tell us to call back next week.

Any advise would be welcome.
Thanks,
CRA
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