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Thread: Messy spouse
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post #3 of (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 09:56 AM
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 589
Re: Messy spouse

I partly agree with sensitive, in that a messy house, in the grand scheme of things, as long as it's not a health hazzard, like fermenting orange juice or something... is not that big a deal.

Sometimes, as sensitive pointed out, we just have to let things like that go, in order to have time to actually live and enjoy life.

But, I am also a stay at home Mom... and although I only have my 2 year old son... (he is like a tazmanian devil, into Everything) and then my daughter after she gets home from school...

My house stays pretty clean. I do all the laundry, I do most of the dishes, with my daughter and hubby sometimes helping , after dinner and such. I do all the vaccuming and sweeping. But, for the most part, my hubby will help me if I ask him to. We share the cooking, because he loves to cook, and he's good at it, so do I, and I'm good at it, so , we kind of switch off there..

But please try to understand... taking care of two kids, it is very likely, that she Truly does not have time to be cleaning the kitchen and such.... I will be honest, the Majority of the cleaning I do, is not during the day, when I"m home alone with my son... it's just not possible, because within two seconds me trying to get anything done, he's climbing a bookcase, or trying to get inside the dryer... even if he is Right there with me... I can't do anything, because I'm having to stop him from exploring, in dangerous areas....unless he's napping, and even then, it has to be something very quiet, or else he'll wake up (he's a light sleeper).

So, I typically do all the laundry, on Sunday after church, give or take... I don't let my hubby touch the laundry, he turns everything grey or pink lol...

But, her saying that she can't get things done during the day... is probably not very far off the mark. It's totally exhausting, to have two tiny human beings tugging at you, and demanding your attention all day long... and it could be, that she doesn't feel like cleaning, after she's been Mommy all day. Just the being with the kids, is a full time job, much less cleaning all day.

If there are just a couple dishes in the sink, and a few things on the floor, then I'd lighten up a bit, and realize, that you have two small children now, and your house, is gonna be dirty a lot of the time...

If it's catastrophic dirtiness... to the point of being unsafe, or so dirty it is not safe for the kids.. then I'd sit her down, and have a chat, and tell her that something has got to be done.

Please try to remember something... the cleaning, is something that is above and beyond being a mom... many men do not realize this... Stay at home Mom's, are busy changing diapers, feeding, playing, chasing, stopping fights, saving crazy toddlers from hurting themselves... cleaning, is something that is above and beyond , extra... if you don't think so, then I suggest you take a week off, send your wife on a nice vacation, or to her parents, so that you have to take care of them all day by yourself, and see how much cleaning you actually have the opportunity to get's not as easy as it might seem to someone who doesn't do it everyday.

And just as you don't want to come home from work, and clean all evening... she also doesn't want to "come home" from work, taking care of two kids all day, and clean all the time either. She's probly exhausted....

Just try to be understanding. And if it is over the top, have a talk with her about it.
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