I've been married for 3 years and I can't recall a moment of peace throughout this time. I've been seriously contemplating a divorce for a year now, but haven't actually made any moves. My husband and I are far from friends. We don't really talk or do anything together. There's no kissing, hugging, or cuddling in our marriage (with having said that you can imagine what else we're lacking). In the beginning I tried to be affectionate, but over time I got tired of initiating and just stopped.
I'm not attracted to him anymore and I'm definitely not proud to have him as my husband. I came into this marriage not realizing what I actually married into. I make much more money, he has 2 children by 2 different ridiculous women, and he doesn't have a great career. Financial disputes have definitely deteoriated the quality of our marriage. Most of the money he does make goes toward child support, which drives me crazy. I do feel really bad that the support payments have prevented him from providing in our marriage, but at the same time I wonder why this unfortunate fact doesn't give him drive to do more (like go back to school). I'm tired of supporting us. All the bills and everything else is on my dime. It's getting old. On top of that he's unappreciative. He's gotten to the point where he acts like I'm suppose to do it all.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. I've given him hell as well, but I PROMISE it's because I've felt so used and taken advantage of over the years. I mean I do so much and have to deal with so much baggage that it prevents me from being the sweet, kind, loving wife that I'm capable of being. I work all day, come home, cook, and clean while he sits and watches football. This is EVERYDAY. He doesn't do anything to try to make things easier for me.
My husband has a very poor attitude. He's very opinionative, strong willed, and think he knows everything. Everything in life is a conspiracy too (UGH!!!). He doesn't like to go anywhere or do anything unless it involves a sport.
So let's conclude this. I'm tired of never getting affection, paying for everything, never receiving nice things, never being told thank you or I'm sorry when he does something wrong, and dealing with these rats that he had children with. I'm tired of doing all the cooking and cleaning, while watching him sit on his tail and reap the benefits. How am I benefitting from this marriage? What do I have to gain by being married to this man?
I know this isn't suppose to be my life. I have a great career, no children, I'm fairly young, and I love living. I know I wasn't created to deal with kids that aren't mine, a lacking husband, and a lacking life. What are your thoughts????