| | Re: to big for me to handle!!!!
I am going through something similar with my husband of 28 years. It's hard. Let me start with, leave the other man alone. PERIOD. Two wrongs don't make a right.
So let me break down what you have said here.
1) when being apart got hard on him, he looked outside the marriage to fulfill something he was supposed to get only from you.
2) when confronted, he said he would stop, lied, and returned to fulfilling something he was supposed to get only from you.
3)When given a chance to fix what was causing him to cause you incredible pain, he not only refused, he went deeper into secrecy.
4) The only time he stopped was when he was sure to lose you.
5) The betrayal was of an intimate nature (regardless if it was online, or in person there is no difference). The pain he caused you is of no other consequence to him (he has not carried the weight of the pain he created).
6) This was done during the honeymoon phase of your marriage.
7) You don't trust him, and doubt you ever will.
Okay so there it is. I thank goodness there wasn't internet when my hubby and I wed. He did things that were worse, kept them secret and I have no proof. Had I I would have left back then.
You have an oppurtunity here. You get to pick your boundries dear. Has he crossed them? It appears that yes he has. He has, and crossed them again and again. So what are the consequences? Seems they have only been consequences that you suffer. No trust, pain, and anger.
You must establish your boundries, those lines you will not tolerate someone to cross. Then hold them (especially the one who should have your back) accountable. What are his consequences?
If you don't do this now, you will waste the best years of your life in anquish. Good luck