Am I Being Unreasonable?
About 2 years ago, my husband & I decided to quit smoking, and, knowing how hard it is to quit, we decided to do it seperately. One of us would stay 'grounded' while the other went nuts. He quit first.
We showed each other a lot of support, which strengthened our marraige. Or so I thought. The problem was, I stayed quit and he didn't. He lied over & over & over about it.
I wasn't upset because he was smoking again. It's the b.s. he pulled around the house in order to find a few minutes to get out & smoke. I mean, when I thought he was being thoughtful because he took a trip to the store for me, it was only so he could get out & smoke. Or if he took our dog for an extra long walk, it wasn't so I could have the house to myself, like he suggested. It was so he could smoke.
Not only that, his mood changed. He'd start the dumbest arguments because he felt guilty. And when he came home from work, I wouldn't get a kiss hello because he was afraid I'd smell the smoke on him.
When I finally "caught" him, I wasn't too upset; I know how hard it is to quit. But then he'd say he was going to quit again. He'd get the patch & I'd be supportive of him. And I'd catch him smoking again. We went through this cycle about 8 times in the last 2 years: support, trust, then the lies.
He doesn't understand that it's not the smoking that's upset me. It's the lying about it. When I'd catch him, he'd deny, deny, deny it, and then try to make me feel like I was some kind of nut job or something for finding the obvious right in front of my face.
Frankly, I'm exhausted from it. I don't trust him anymore. I do not feel secure in this marraige. I mean, if he'll lie about this, he'll lie about anything, right? My marraige is falling apart and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being unreasonable.
In other ways, he's a very nice man, albeit sometimes weak. I miss the husband I used to have ... the one that I could trust.
What do you think?
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