mollyL

That is a very pertinent question, was she abused as a child? Your wife not wanting to kiss seems a red flag to me, that perhaps she was forced to kiss someone or something she didn't want to.
Has your wife ever been examined genitally for more than a pap smear? It is possible that the birth process might have injured her, or if she was abused, there could have been some kind of injury there? I know this would probably be very difficult to get her to agree with, because I suspect she hates Pap smears as much as sex. A woman gynecologist or a man gyno with a very sensitive manner should examine her, and maybe an ultrasound included to make sure there is nothing physical the matter.
I commend you, ahubby. It is obvious you love your wife and long for a sexual, comforting relationship. I hope you can achieve it!