Originally Posted by MEM11363
In a healthy loving marriage the following statements are ALWAYS true:
1. Each spouse makes a good faith effort to do things that make their partner feel loved
2. And perhaps even MORE important each spouse makes a sincere effort to AVOID doing things that cause their partner to feel UNLOVED
Your W likely NEEDS you to show some edge for her to feel desire. That means when she is behaving in a manner inconsistent with 1 and 2 above you let her know through your actions that you are disappointed that she has deprioritized you.
I bet every time she sends you a text/tells you she loves you - you respond in kind quickly and completely. For a woman who NEEDS sexual "tension" that is a TOTAL desire killer. Total.
The fact that she won't switch to condoms is a HUGE message that you and your emotional need to feel love through sexual intimacy have been completely deprioritized. At some level she is shocked and disappointed that you are not standing up for yourself.
If you are too afraid of "upsetting" her to calmly tell her that you will not continue to make her your highest priority when she is treating you this way, then you WILL have a sexless marriage for as long as you two remain married.
You truly believe you are being kind and patient and respectful. At a core/primal level she perceives your behavior as fearful and weak. She may like you, but she cannot respect you when you behave that way.
Wow, that it some deep evolutionary stuff, but it makes sense. She knows I'm completely unhappy with the situation, but I do stay kind.
She freaks when I turn a cold shoulder, but maybe I will do it, tell her why, and let her deal with it. It's not that I'm afraid, I'm just trying to be a gentlemen, but this forum is confirming my hunch that I am in the right.