I must warn everyone that this post may be a bit lengthy, but I would really appreciate some input.
I am 28, my boyfriend is 29. Weíve known each other/been friends for 14 years. Growing up, we were total opposites: he was the partier, dropped out of school, got in a lot of trouble w/the law; and I was the goody goody, straight Aís, never got in trouble, college grad. Sometimes people grow out of their wild child days.
I was engaged to what turned out to be a really bad guy a few years ago, and broke up with him last year.Good!
My bf and I had a fling a few years ago, and I fell for him really hard and never got over him. It so happened that I ran into his mom while I was still engaged, and she told me to call him. I waited a couple of months before doing so. He kept asking me out, and I told him no.Why? Was your intuition telling you to stay away?
We finally ran into each other one night, and he ended up kissing me and telling me how he had missed me. We agreed to give it another shot. This was a little over a year ago, and he just proposed a few nights ago. I have been so ridiculously in love with him for so long, getting to marry him is a dream come true. I am the happiest Iíve ever been. Congratulations!
My fiancť has been in a lot of trouble over the past 10 years (however, no drug charges, felonies, thefts, or sex crimes. Just dumb stuff heís done while drunk).Do you think he is an alcoholic? You seem to breeze over his "dumb stuff" like it is not a red flag.
About a month ago, we got into a pretty bad argument at a bar. We were the only ones outside and the next thing we knew, someone had run out of the bar and proceeded to beat the hell out of him, fracturing his face and leaving him with 5 stitches. Evidently, the guy thought my bf had hit me, when in fact, he never laid a hand on me. Someone else even agreed that from the angle we were at, and b/c it was dark and they were drunk, it looked like he might have hit me. The cops were called, and b/c state law says that if itís even suspected, they have to arrest him and charge him with CDV. I was devastated. He got out the next morning on bond and has retained a lawyer, who said the case is a slam dunk. I hope you are telling the truth about him not hitting you. How can the police just charge a suspect, if you told them that you were never hit? Something doesn't add up.
I didnít tell my parents about it b/c they always tell me I stress them out b/c they hate the fact that I live w/my bf. I didnít see any point in bringing this up, b/c there was nothing to worry about, b/c nothing happened, and I knew it would just stress them out.See, something serious DID happen. You are just minimizing his drinking problems. I can understand why you would feel the need to hide it; you don't want your parents to think less of him.
My sister saw it on the online crime blotter (she hates my bf) and asked me about it. She swore she wouldnít tell our parents b/c of the stress it would bring. Our dad is in remission from cancer, and I am constantly told by my mom that I stress him out with my stupid decisions. My dad told me a few months ago that he and I would end up having a falling out if I chose to stay with my bf.Why do your parents hate your boyfriend so much?
My dad wonít even meet him. My mom has liked him up to this point and was really supportive of our engagement.
Yesterday, everything blew up. My mom e-mailed me at work accusing me of living a lie and that I was crazy and stupid to stay with my fiancť, and that he was trash and will never be welcome in their home or in the family. I have always been close w/my family, always done whatever was needed to make them happy (which was my mistake). Iíve always sought their approval and have never really gotten it. Nothing Iíve done makes them happy.I have a mother like that. She has become kinder, because she misses me. I still have my guard up after years of abuse.
My mom goes back and forth, either Iím a stupid, ungrateful brat who constantly makes bad decisions and is with a bad guy, or Iím a wonderful, smart daughter who is with a great man. My mom told me via email that she is done. My sister is of no help whatsoever. I emailed my mom telling her that 1) she never even asked if I was okay, she just called me names and put me down; 2) I tried explaining to her what actually happened, and she said she didnít care, that heís trash anyway; 3) I let her know that I am staying w/my fiancť and that they can be involved or not.....thatís their decision. LOVE the way you stood up for yourself.
My fiancť has two sons, and I am very excited to be their stepmom. I told my mom they could be her step-grandchildren, or not. Itís up to her. I also told her that I am very hurt that she would just assume such horrible things about my fiancť, and that she would think so little of me that I would be with a man who beat me.This should not be a surprise to you; she never approves of whatever you do.
Iíve already been through that w/my ex, and I learned my lesson. I love my fiancť so much. I donít have a ring yet, but he got me a beautiful house that we are moving into in a few weeks.This is much more important.
The ring will come later. I know my parents wonít pay for a wedding, so weíre talking about going to the courthouse. Why can't you pay for your own wedding? We paid for our little crappy elopement, because my parents were only going to pay if it was on their terms.
The light has finally come on that I need to stop worrying about their approval and start living my own life.
My fiancť is incredibly supportive and knows that this hurts me a lot. We have great friends who are very excited for us, and his family is supportive as well. Since Iíve been with my fiancť, I havenít asked my parents for financial support.That should have stopped because you are an adult.
He and I work as a team to get what we need/want. I know they have control issues and it drives them crazy if I go for days without visiting (we live about 15 min from them). They wonít call me, and then complain that they never hear from me. My sister likes to stir the pot, and hates the fact that Iím not at her beck and call anymore, so she says that my fiancť has changed me and she resents him for that. Heís not welcome at her house. Heís fine with this, b/c he sees how two-faced and manipulative she really is. Stand your ground.
This will be the first Christmas I wonít spend with my parents, and it makes me really sad.They will come around when they see that you will no longer be cowed by them.
They refuse to acknowledge how happy I am with my fiancť, and just want to dwell on the bad decisions heís made in his past. While they shouldn't dwell on the bad decisions, you need to be aware of what his issues will do to your marriage.
I have no idea what to do. I know I have to stand my ground with them, and this is the first time Iíve felt strong enough to. But, it still hurts. Both of my parents are in therapy, and they have even told me that they donít have a problem with my sister (who chose drugs and men over us time after time, but is now married)......they just have a problem with me. Iíve told them that their issues arenít mine, and Iím happy with my life, but they donít seem to care.You can't make them care. All you can do is live your life.