Re: really, really caused a mess...
Look, there is absolutely no point in even contemplating a reconciliation with your husband until you COMPLETELY cut off the OM from your life. COMPLETELY. You don't seem to understand that every time you speak to him, text him, email him, whatever, you've taken several steps back in any sort of healing.
Why would you want to stay in a toxic situation like this. He sounds dangerous - maybe you like "bad boys" and he is your little girl crush on a bad boy. Well, grow up. Either end it with him and work on your marriage with a husband that has given you the unbelievable gift of forgiveness, or let him go find a woman that deserves him. Simple.
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