Originally Posted by Lon

The trickle-truth sure is a major obstacle in restoring not just a relationship but also your sanity. It wastes everyone's time. Dishonesty is difficult, but trickling the truth multiplies the dishonesty many times over.

On my dday I was told (aside from the provocative and partially nude photos I discovered) they kissed at a bar. Well of course that doesn't explain the hotel bookings, nor explain the emotional part of their ongoing text conversations. I can't believe I was such a doormat that I didn't even demand to see her phone right then, instead I decided to put my trust in her and bury my head in the sand hoping she would choose to do the right thing. From there the truth gradually trickled out that indeed they met at a hotel for sex, what it was like for her, that it was mostly just physical, but once she started with the details its like she enjoyed reliving it by telling me.

She remained doubtful we could fix it but said she would go to counseling and she held the tiniest chance of her getting back into the relationship over my head. Well eventually I smartened up and realized I wasn't getting the truth from her, could see she was still hiding her phone (even after she left the house to stay at a friends house) managed to get a hold of her phone and realized that despite everything she revealed she was still in the midst of affair and it wasn't even the same guy, all this time I was worried about one guy, then to find out it was multiple!

as soon as dday #2 came I let her go right there, took my ring off, and got the name of some lawyers. stopped caring about getting the truth from her, realized I never would, her friends that she confided in all had conflicting stories too. What a pity, what a shame. Can't believe I was feeling like the one who failed so badly.