svsrob

My husband and I are having marital problems, he can be very self absorbed, he is an engineer, and I am totally upset, lost and angry. I wrote him this email this morning, and he has yet to reply, he is not good with emotions. Please read it and tell me what I am doing wrong. I have seen a counselor in the past, and I know communication is the biggest issue with us, plus he is selfish, he has not taken me on a date in two years, nor made me any sort of a dinner I like. We moved to another state which is honestly not even comparable to Colorado, and he does not even think I have sacrificed anything. He gets jealous if I have a good day, so I don't tell him if I enjoyed something with our only child. Like if I went to the zoo, I can't tell him. He ignores the fact that I am not well, I have been sick for some time, herinated disks, sprained ankles, chronic cough, but because I still look sexy, nothing is wrong, although all my tests are showing a problem. They are still in the process of findings for a diagnosis. Please help me see things from a mans perpective, how can I communicate better? Here is the email I wrote..


"I would like to express to you how I feel... In the last two years, you only touch me when you want sex, and it hurts my feelings, and it seems like I am always doing things for you without any sort of return pleasure. I would like to be more intimate, yet there is no romance in my life, and that is important to me.

Breaking our agreement upon moving here in regards to finding a cheaper home, etc.. has put a ton of stress on me, Pittsburgh has been very challenging in so many ways, and I am having a hell of a time finding good doctors, it appears the good doctors move to areas where they also have a quality of life.
My quality of life has dramatically decreased since our move, and it has deeply hurt my feelings that you just brush off the fact that I gave up my friends, doctors, work and support system and I feel that you think this move is no big deal, just like me selling the home on my own with a toddler.

I feel really left out of the whole scheme of this new life here in Pittsburgh, and even though I am trying to make it work, it is not easy. I miss my friends, I miss the ease of life in Colorado plus the beauty, and I miss Victoria having friends in the area.

I expressed to you how important is was for me to get my health in check, that something was clearly wrong, and that if I was to make this move to Pittsburgh, that would be a top priority. I feel like I am fighting my way in getting what is important to me regarding my health and I don't feel like I have the support that I need. The doctors here are measurable, and it is already a struggle in general for woman to get good care, so I have to be dutiful and demanding that they take my issues seriously, if I do not get the proper care, I worry I won't see Victoria graduate. It is that serious, I have slipped through the cracks for years now, and I need to make my health a priority.


I am telling you this not for you to be defensive and become mean, but to try and express what I am going through and how things effect me. I felt total aggression from you last night, and I had terrible nightmares, I understand you are sad and frustrated, but how you handle the situation last night only makes things worse, not better.


The aggression I am feeling from you is really affecting me, and it is only making me want to crawl deeper within my self, not become intimate. I am truly struggling right now, I feel like I went through a terrible wave over the summer and I am now left with starting over and picking up the pieces.

I believe we love one another but the way we are communicating is not healthy and it is not going to improve our relationship or quality of life. I am trying to start something again with emails, that is how our relationship started and I am a much better writer than speaker.


Please understand that I am telling you how I am feeling, and how I am struggling with the new environment here, and how I wish to be treated with empathy, love, support and understanding".