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You can't say you are completely present with this having been on your mind for years.
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Touche - but I don't think about it when I am with her.
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It's possible, again, her "bad vibes" is her feeling you pull away. Trust me, she feels uncertain, and being the person she is, is still trying to support you. The bad vibes are also your guilt that you're probably projecting onto her.
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The bad vibes come about when I go off on my own like if I go surfing for an afternoon instead of being with her. Definitely no guilt - everything has been fine with us. It is just a recurring thought that has resurfaced again - now I want to look into deeper and get it resolved...
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At this point you might as well flip a coin.
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There is no way I could decide this from a coin...
Let me try it now. Heads I stay, Tails I leave...
It was heads but it doesn't help.
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You are in limbo, keeping HER in limbo, and it isn't really fair to either of you.
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I KNOW