svsrob

Yes, I see how I pinned it on him, I am angry with myself that I let him bully me into a home before I arrived here. The home broke our agreement to find something cheaper than our last home and it has forced me back into the work force. Luckily I have experience in bartending and was able to find a part time job doing that. However, in that arena of jobs comes what I call the "crazy" people, and I work with a few, but I can manage it. I understand that I am pinning it on him, and have to learn how to communicate without making him defensive that is why I found this site and truly appreciate it. I am just so angry that he did not listen to my needs upon the move here. My husband is a good man, he just does not see how he can be at times, and I am angry at myself because I do not know how to handle it. Here was his response..


"Let's make Wednesday nights our regular romance night. Put Victoria in daycare, I will come home early and we can go out (or not) and just do things as a couple. 90% of the time I touch you, to give you a kiss, hug you or rub your back, I do not hope for anything more than that. I make no apologies for the other times - how can you think it is unreasonable for a loving husband to touch his wife and want to be intimate with her and make love with her?

Again, you're acting like you were not part of the decisions that were made. You have to accept responsibility for your part in the decisions we make. It amazes me that you do not think about what it would have been like if we stayed in Colorado - no job - no income. Paul called today and said the Denver area is still very bad for jobs.

I am empathic with you. I do love, support and understand you. There's a fine line with empathy though. If I am unconditionally empathic, I end up enabling your behavior. We all have things in our life that we do not like or are unhappy with. To make them the focal point of your life so much of the time destroys your life and the lives around you. Yes, your health is serious and you are making effort to deal with it. I constantly tell you I want to go with you to see your doctors. I really feel that I coming with you helps me understand what they are saying and (it is unfortunately the case,) they will take you more seriously.

We both need to make more effort to make a life for ourselves here. It's not going to happen automatically and it will take some time.

I don't know why you think me feeling sad about you not wanting to be intimate with me and going to bed frustrated is being aggressive towards you. I can understand you are not happy I brought up a difficult subject you are not comfortable discussing, but aggressive, no""