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Laurae1967 · 12-29-2011, 10:57 AM

He does this because he probably has a personality disorder of some type (these are VERY tough to treat/change) and he is doing what is called "hoovering". He acts nice to you to suck you back in so that he can continue to use and manipulate you. He knows it has worked in the past.

It is hard to imagine that some people are so calculated and cold, especially when you yourself are not like this, but it is true. He has shown you that he can't be trusted.

It is good news that the house is in your name. It is also good news that you recognize that he's an abusive user. He is probably being sweet because he can sense that you are starting to pull away and he wants his meal ticket to stay put.

Confide in a trusted girlfriend and tell her that you don't want to hear "told you so", you just want non-judgemental support no matter what you decide to do. Having healthy girlfriends around you to care about you is SO important.

So get to a lawyer ASAP. If you can get him to leave for 3 weeks, do that and then change the locks to your house, box up his **** and leave it on the porch. And serve him divorce papers when he gets back. He has NO claim to your house if you owned it before you married and it's in your name (in most states, check with a lawyer first in yours).

The best thing is to go NC with him. The less contact you have with him, the easier it will be to walk away from this abuser.

I would also suggest seeing a therapist because you need to learn how to love yourself more. When you love yourself, you don't allow other people to treat you poorly, which is what has happened in your marriage. You deserve WAY more. Of that, I am 100% certain.

12-29-2011, 10:57 AM	#34 (permalink)
Laurae1967 Banned Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 803	Re: Husband is Using me. How do I end this. He does this because he probably has a personality disorder of some type (these are VERY tough to treat/change) and he is doing what is called "hoovering". He acts nice to you to suck you back in so that he can continue to use and manipulate you. He knows it has worked in the past. It is hard to imagine that some people are so calculated and cold, especially when you yourself are not like this, but it is true. He has shown you that he can't be trusted. It is good news that the house is in your name. It is also good news that you recognize that he's an abusive user. He is probably being sweet because he can sense that you are starting to pull away and he wants his meal ticket to stay put. Confide in a trusted girlfriend and tell her that you don't want to hear "told you so", you just want non-judgemental support no matter what you decide to do. Having healthy girlfriends around you to care about you is SO important. So get to a lawyer ASAP. If you can get him to leave for 3 weeks, do that and then change the locks to your house, box up his **** and leave it on the porch. And serve him divorce papers when he gets back. He has NO claim to your house if you owned it before you married and it's in your name (in most states, check with a lawyer first in yours). The best thing is to go NC with him. The less contact you have with him, the easier it will be to walk away from this abuser. I would also suggest seeing a therapist because you need to learn how to love yourself more. When you love yourself, you don't allow other people to treat you poorly, which is what has happened in your marriage. You deserve WAY more. Of that, I am 100% certain.