Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

twoblave · 03-06-2008, 06:29 PM

I need some serious advice. I've been married to my wife for 5yrs. We dated 9yrs prior to that. I come from a big chrisitian family. Parents are still married. She comes from a broken home. Her father cheated on her mother and her mother had been in rocky relationships ever since. Let me be the first to say I caused alot of our problems. I was addicted to Pot (of all things) nearly the whole time we knew each other. I was laid off from my job (office closed) 3 yrs ago. She had recieved promotion after promotion at her job. I tried a few things like real estate and selling pools (in florida). All failed. I slipped in to a bad depression over the last 3 years. I just couldn't get ahead. She ended up supporting us the whole time. She would ask me to stop smoking pot and I would try only to fail. She ended up going on anti-depressants and she started to drink a little more. She would go out more often and would even smoke pot with me all though she wasn't addicted to it. I stopped smoking on Dec 1st '07. I finally knew I was done with it. I still needed to find a job. Found one but failed the drug test because it wasn't out of my system. After 8 weeks of being sober, we had some arguments about money and she said we need to separate for awhile. I've been living at my parents house since. I'am 33 she's 30. She says she needs time to think about her feelings. She says that she has had to take care of me as a child an in turn cares for me as a child and not a husband. She is seeing a therapists and is trying to get her feelings back. I know I took advantage of her. I blame alot of my actions on my addiction but I am also to blame for not doing anything about it, sooner. My wife is the kind of person that holds things in. I feel the anti-depressants made it worse. We didn't fight alot believe it or not. That's why this is so shocking to me. I always felt that there would have been more warning signs. She said I needed to give her space. I've respected that. We've spoke for maybe 2hrs in the last month. I cry every day. I have nightmares about this. I feel she is going to give up. I saw that she wasn't wearing her wedding rings when I went to our place to get a few things. She was at work. I've done a lot of soul searching. I've turned to God. I found a part time job but nothing full time even though I have applied to every job possible. She has shown very little affection in this time. We had a very strong relationship till about 3yrs ago. We were a very loving couple. I feel that if she could let her anger and resentment go, that our relationship would be stronger than ever. I want to spend my life with her. I'm no longer addicted or depressed about my life but for this one exception. Is there any hope? Can we be saved? Is it possible for someone to fall back in love with someone? Any advice would help. I am so desperate. I feel like I have made the changes that would make our marriage sucessfull. She could be seeing someone else. I asked her and she said she wouldn't do that to me. I know it is a possablity, though. I never promised her that I wouldn't fail in life but she promised to be there for better or for worse. She made that promise to me and God. I feel I am who I need to be and who she wants me to be. Why give up now. It's like running a 3 mile race then stopping right at the finish line. Please help.

03-06-2008, 06:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
twoblave Registered User Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 12	On the verge of losing her. I need some serious advice. I've been married to my wife for 5yrs. We dated 9yrs prior to that. I come from a big chrisitian family. Parents are still married. She comes from a broken home. Her father cheated on her mother and her mother had been in rocky relationships ever since. Let me be the first to say I caused alot of our problems. I was addicted to Pot (of all things) nearly the whole time we knew each other. I was laid off from my job (office closed) 3 yrs ago. She had recieved promotion after promotion at her job. I tried a few things like real estate and selling pools (in florida). All failed. I slipped in to a bad depression over the last 3 years. I just couldn't get ahead. She ended up supporting us the whole time. She would ask me to stop smoking pot and I would try only to fail. She ended up going on anti-depressants and she started to drink a little more. She would go out more often and would even smoke pot with me all though she wasn't addicted to it. I stopped smoking on Dec 1st '07. I finally knew I was done with it. I still needed to find a job. Found one but failed the drug test because it wasn't out of my system. After 8 weeks of being sober, we had some arguments about money and she said we need to separate for awhile. I've been living at my parents house since. I'am 33 she's 30. She says she needs time to think about her feelings. She says that she has had to take care of me as a child an in turn cares for me as a child and not a husband. She is seeing a therapists and is trying to get her feelings back. I know I took advantage of her. I blame alot of my actions on my addiction but I am also to blame for not doing anything about it, sooner. My wife is the kind of person that holds things in. I feel the anti-depressants made it worse. We didn't fight alot believe it or not. That's why this is so shocking to me. I always felt that there would have been more warning signs. She said I needed to give her space. I've respected that. We've spoke for maybe 2hrs in the last month. I cry every day. I have nightmares about this. I feel she is going to give up. I saw that she wasn't wearing her wedding rings when I went to our place to get a few things. She was at work. I've done a lot of soul searching. I've turned to God. I found a part time job but nothing full time even though I have applied to every job possible. She has shown very little affection in this time. We had a very strong relationship till about 3yrs ago. We were a very loving couple. I feel that if she could let her anger and resentment go, that our relationship would be stronger than ever. I want to spend my life with her. I'm no longer addicted or depressed about my life but for this one exception. Is there any hope? Can we be saved? Is it possible for someone to fall back in love with someone? Any advice would help. I am so desperate. I feel like I have made the changes that would make our marriage sucessfull. She could be seeing someone else. I asked her and she said she wouldn't do that to me. I know it is a possablity, though. I never promised her that I wouldn't fail in life but she promised to be there for better or for worse. She made that promise to me and God. I feel I am who I need to be and who she wants me to be. Why give up now. It's like running a 3 mile race then stopping right at the finish line. Please help. Last edited by twoblave; 03-10-2008 at 08:10 PM.