Hi all, I've been with my wife for over 15 years. At the start of our relationship we tried some things (her on top, doggystyles, some kamasutra positions) and we both loved it, but when I asked her back then if she had an orgasm, she just said "I don't". When I asked her if she never had one with me, or never at all, she said "I don't know". Back then I found it kinda strange and figured she didn't want to hurt my feelings (she was my first, she had a few partners before me) and didn't pay to much attention to it anymore (figured it would happen at one time or another).
We got more and more close, mostly had sex after a night out, or the morning after and we experimented (BJ's, giving her oral, using my finger)...
But as time went on things started to slip; sex became less frequent, we got into a few arguments over it in those years and now we're at once a week, on sundays. When we do it it's always the same routine; we kiss for a few minutes (but not passionate anymore), I undress her, and myself, and we do "it" until I come and I always figured she has an orgasm sometimes.
Lately I've been getting more and more annoyed by this; it's just to plain and it seemed as if she was only doing it to please me. So, last night I confronted her: after we had sex I just asked het if she had an orgasm, of if she ever does. She just said "I don't know, it's not important to me". I tried explaining that for me it's easy to orgasm, but it's hard for me to tell what she likes (she never talks during sex) and that I have no clue what to do if she doesn't tell me. To be honest: I just continue until I thought she had an orgasm and then I let myself go.
But now it looks like as if I've been 'wrong' all this time, which kinda blows my mind/confidence.
To make matters worse: in my stupid mind I figured that if we had sex and she didn't come she'd just get herself off using the shower (she takes long showers). So I asked her if that was the case (not that I would mind if she did masturbate), but if she did know how to orgasm herself, she could maybe incorporate that into sex. She got mad: and said she never did that, never touched herself (which she has said a few times before during the course of our relationship)....
I told her I was not enjoying the scheduled sex on a sunday kinda thing anymore and she just said: " it's both of us, you don't inititate it on another day either". Which is true, but because she never ever initates sex anymore herself and I got turned down a few times when I tried something during the week, I just settled for the sundays
Long story short: wife says she doesn't know if she ever had an orgasm during our 15 years of marriage. She says she doesn't care if she does: she likes it when I orgasm. She doesn't ever initiate sex anymore, or give me a handjob (let alone BJ's which she now claims to have never liked).
When I asked why we never try another position anymore she said "back then I didn't feel thing as good as I feel them now" (I think she means I now try to use my penis in a different way when I'm on top, use it to rub over her vagina/clit when I'm inside). She no longer wants me to touch her (I would love to have a long foreplay, rubbing and licking her between her thighs, or kissing her breasts before and during sex). It's as if she has given up on the idea of ever reaching an orgasm.
I told her we're both in our late 30's and got a whole life ahead of us, why not experiment some more, but I'm not sure she even wants to "find out" anymore.
Any tips, hints, thoughts?
