Originally Posted by morituri
What a blame fest indeed.
Has it occurred to any of you that the reason why we have this group of men - and yes, women (shocking isn't it?) - is because there are enablers like the OP who is more a mother than a wife?
Look, men and women suffer because they choose to suffer. Nobody puts a gun to our heads and tells us that we have to continue being married to a slob or a cheat. If being married to our spouse is causing us great unhappiness, then we should divorce him/her. Otherwise we should stop whining like spoiled little brats.
When men and women stop settling for this group of men and women and choose to dump them, then this group of people will cease to exist as lifelong mates.
A real man/woman doesn't complain about the unfairness of life, he/she simply gets up, dusts him/herself off, and continues to strive to be happy.
To look at ourselves in the mirror and realize that we have the power to change our lives for the better, is much harder task than to whine, isn't it?
First of all, not everyone wants to dive directly into a divorce just because things aren't the way that they should be. Sometimes people want to try to fix things and to do that it may take obtaining advice. What you call "whining", I consider to be expressing one's feelings about the issues they're dealing with and seeking any suggestions on what could be done to solve them.
You're response suggests that you'd run for divorce at the 1st sign of things not working out. Some people don't want to end their marriage when things are immediately sour. However, after obtaining all the advice they could retrieve, been to all the counselors they could afford, tried severals time to work things out with their spouse and things still don't work, then they'll consider the final alternative "divorce."
Therefore, it isn't fair of you to just accuse "enablers (like myself)" to be whiners who won't just shut up and divorce. Excuse me for trying to fight and find a way to fix what's broken.