Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

frustratedinphx · 03-09-2008, 01:25 AM

Hi,

I really understand what you are going through. I'm 8mos. pregnant and have had some serious issues with my husband throughout my entire pregnancy and even before that. The crying and frustration and uncertainty on top of hormones and being pregnant and having another small child is a lot to handle.

My suggestion to you is not to think so long term- take things one day at a time. Start focusing on your own well being because it affects the baby as well. I spoke to my doctor about antidepressants and opted against it because she warned me about the withdrawal-related irritability the baby would experience after birth. Unfortunately my husband and mother in law didn't seem to quite see things that way. It's no one's decision but yours, if it's something you truly think you need then please do you research and make an informed decision. For me, the thought of being in a bad relationship with a small child and an irritable newborn was too much to handle and I nixed the idea really fast.

For now, I try to just take a little time for me where I can- like getting my nails done or just reading a book when I can. I know it's not inexpensive to get a babysitter, but do you know another mom that you can swap babysitting with for a bit? perhaps a neighbor who loves little ones but theirs are all grown up would be more than happy to help. It's amazing how supportive people are when you are pregnant and struggling. Sometimes we just have to let ourselves be taken care of a little bit.

I'm so sorry you are going through this too. Hang in there and focus on staying healthy. Really try to make yourself happy. If your husband can't focus his attention on you, I hate to say it but make yourself happy. It burns me to think that I went back to work because my husband pretty much did the same thing to me- ignored me, didn't appreciate me taking care of our son, our house, our life (I don't know that he appreciates me working to contribute to our life either, but that's a whole other story).

Just focus on little things that are important to you and make you feel good. I definitely agree that your husband sounds a little too controlling and really mean. I really might take the time that he's out and about to really look into your "options" for after the baby comes. Even if you never act on them, you'd be surprised how much more empowered you'd feel if you had plans. After doing all these things myself, I have to say I don't cry very much at all anymore and even smile again and laugh again. I try to focus all my energy in positive places and things.

At the end of the day, you deserve to be happy just as much as he does. And think of your kids- you already have one little girl. It's amazing how much our little ones look to us and model what we do. You probably wouldn't want for her what you have right now, so maybe think about what you can do to be a positive role model by treating yourself the way you want her to be treated. If you ever want to talk more, please send me a private message. I'm all ears. Good luck!

03-09-2008, 01:25 AM	#9 (permalink)
frustratedinphx Registered User Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17	Re: Pregnant and depressed Hi, I really understand what you are going through. I'm 8mos. pregnant and have had some serious issues with my husband throughout my entire pregnancy and even before that. The crying and frustration and uncertainty on top of hormones and being pregnant and having another small child is a lot to handle. My suggestion to you is not to think so long term- take things one day at a time. Start focusing on your own well being because it affects the baby as well. I spoke to my doctor about antidepressants and opted against it because she warned me about the withdrawal-related irritability the baby would experience after birth. Unfortunately my husband and mother in law didn't seem to quite see things that way. It's no one's decision but yours, if it's something you truly think you need then please do you research and make an informed decision. For me, the thought of being in a bad relationship with a small child and an irritable newborn was too much to handle and I nixed the idea really fast. For now, I try to just take a little time for me where I can- like getting my nails done or just reading a book when I can. I know it's not inexpensive to get a babysitter, but do you know another mom that you can swap babysitting with for a bit? perhaps a neighbor who loves little ones but theirs are all grown up would be more than happy to help. It's amazing how supportive people are when you are pregnant and struggling. Sometimes we just have to let ourselves be taken care of a little bit. I'm so sorry you are going through this too. Hang in there and focus on staying healthy. Really try to make yourself happy. If your husband can't focus his attention on you, I hate to say it but make yourself happy. It burns me to think that I went back to work because my husband pretty much did the same thing to me- ignored me, didn't appreciate me taking care of our son, our house, our life (I don't know that he appreciates me working to contribute to our life either, but that's a whole other story). Just focus on little things that are important to you and make you feel good. I definitely agree that your husband sounds a little too controlling and really mean. I really might take the time that he's out and about to really look into your "options" for after the baby comes. Even if you never act on them, you'd be surprised how much more empowered you'd feel if you had plans. After doing all these things myself, I have to say I don't cry very much at all anymore and even smile again and laugh again. I try to focus all my energy in positive places and things. At the end of the day, you deserve to be happy just as much as he does. And think of your kids- you already have one little girl. It's amazing how much our little ones look to us and model what we do. You probably wouldn't want for her what you have right now, so maybe think about what you can do to be a positive role model by treating yourself the way you want her to be treated. If you ever want to talk more, please send me a private message. I'm all ears. Good luck!