Well put draconis,
Get out and don't be a human sacrifice!! Do not settle for less. Take action to create a loving and emotionally stable environment for you and your children. If he controls you, you allow it.
You may want to consider counseling for yourself to find out why you have allowed yourself to settle for this type of relationship. Take action to recreate a healthy environment. You and your children deserve more in life. Change your environment, change your thoughts and you will change your life. Be a stand for happiness!
You need to worry more about wasting precious time in your life with someone that is not emotionally available to you and your children. He will respect you more when you demand more in your life!! I honestly believe you will not regret not settling for less. There are many good men out there. REMEMBER: People will treat you the way you allow them to.