Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

JJB · 03-09-2008, 02:03 PM

You're right. It is very one-sided. *tsk tsk*.

I understand what bipolar disorder is. I know what happens when he's manic and depressed. I've spoken with his doctors. We've gone together many times to find out how we can work on our marriage, how I can help him deal with these rapid cycling episodes, etc. Bottom line--he has to take some responsibility whether he wants to or not for his actions.

He has been hospitalized many many times before we met and he's stabilized (I guess is the word) since he's been medicated. Not to say he doesn't have manic or depressive episodes anymore, he does. He just doesn't want to take responsiblity for anything and uses the *I'm bipolar this is why this or that happens* excuse and it doesn't fly anymore with a lot of things. Not for me anyway.

My daughter is also bipolar but I have taught her responsibility. I have taught her that she can do anything she chooses. I don't feel it would be right of me to tell her that she can't have this career or do whatever because she is bipolar. That's limiting and it does not help her. She wants to become a nurse and I completely support and encourage her in whatever she chooses to do. When she has money that she's earned babysitting or doing things around the home, she's excited and wants to spend spend spend. My job as a mother is to help teach her to control that part of the disorder,teach her how to budget and realize that she too has a responsiblity not only to herself but to her health, home, family, etc. No matter what she does/does not do there are consequences. She too has to learn from mistakes.

She's gone through the depressive episodes and yes it is extremely difficult to try and help her through that as well. So I understand what my husband is going through as well as my daughter. The only thing I do not agree with is my husband is not wanting to take responsibility for his actions. Instead, it seems I have to do it for him. When he overspends, I replace the money in his account. Yes I get irritated by it. Who wouldn't? He feels it's no big deal to overspend. He tells me that I worry too much about it. Well? If I allowed to my bank account to be overdrawn constantly it would be closed. If we didn't pay our rent, we would not have a home. If I didn't make that car payment we would not have transporation. If I did not work we would not have food, clothes, etc. But to him it's no big deal. Why is that? Do these rules not apply to him or anyone else with this type of illness?

Yes I have thought about leaving him. Seriously wanting to leave him in order to make him realize that he can't use the *I'm bipolar* excuse for everything he feels deserves that explanation. I haven't left and I don't plan on it. Since my first post, I've talked this over with my husband and seriously thought about what I've said and taken a deeper look at things. We have decided to work together in whatever way we can to make this relationship work.

I was in the wrong for a lot of what I posted but I don't regret it. It helped me to look at things from another point of view which is the reason for my postings besides me wanting to vent.

So I sincerely thank you for pointing it out. In my opinion, whatever helps does indeed help no matter how great or small.

03-09-2008, 02:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
JJB Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 3	Re: When is enough really enough? You're right. It is very one-sided. tsk tsk. I understand what bipolar disorder is. I know what happens when he's manic and depressed. I've spoken with his doctors. We've gone together many times to find out how we can work on our marriage, how I can help him deal with these rapid cycling episodes, etc. Bottom line--he has to take some responsibility whether he wants to or not for his actions. He has been hospitalized many many times before we met and he's stabilized (I guess is the word) since he's been medicated. Not to say he doesn't have manic or depressive episodes anymore, he does. He just doesn't want to take responsiblity for anything and uses the I'm bipolar this is why this or that happens excuse and it doesn't fly anymore with a lot of things. Not for me anyway. My daughter is also bipolar but I have taught her responsibility. I have taught her that she can do anything she chooses. I don't feel it would be right of me to tell her that she can't have this career or do whatever because she is bipolar. That's limiting and it does not help her. She wants to become a nurse and I completely support and encourage her in whatever she chooses to do. When she has money that she's earned babysitting or doing things around the home, she's excited and wants to spend spend spend. My job as a mother is to help teach her to control that part of the disorder,teach her how to budget and realize that she too has a responsiblity not only to herself but to her health, home, family, etc. No matter what she does/does not do there are consequences. She too has to learn from mistakes. She's gone through the depressive episodes and yes it is extremely difficult to try and help her through that as well. So I understand what my husband is going through as well as my daughter. The only thing I do not agree with is my husband is not wanting to take responsibility for his actions. Instead, it seems I have to do it for him. When he overspends, I replace the money in his account. Yes I get irritated by it. Who wouldn't? He feels it's no big deal to overspend. He tells me that I worry too much about it. Well? If I allowed to my bank account to be overdrawn constantly it would be closed. If we didn't pay our rent, we would not have a home. If I didn't make that car payment we would not have transporation. If I did not work we would not have food, clothes, etc. But to him it's no big deal. Why is that? Do these rules not apply to him or anyone else with this type of illness? Yes I have thought about leaving him. Seriously wanting to leave him in order to make him realize that he can't use the I'm bipolar excuse for everything he feels deserves that explanation. I haven't left and I don't plan on it. Since my first post, I've talked this over with my husband and seriously thought about what I've said and taken a deeper look at things. We have decided to work together in whatever way we can to make this relationship work. I was in the wrong for a lot of what I posted but I don't regret it. It helped me to look at things from another point of view which is the reason for my postings besides me wanting to vent. So I sincerely thank you for pointing it out. In my opinion, whatever helps does indeed help no matter how great or small.