I'm a step-mother myself. I was not easy the first few years. Being a step-mother is hard because there are pre-existing demands on your husband's time and you never really get that honeymoon period that couples with no preexisting obligations have. That doesn't mean however that your wife is right to threat your children badly. She knew they were there going into the marriage. She can't expect to cut them out now. Have you shown this thread to your wife? She may need to see it to get a different perspective. It may make her angry at first but I bet she will think about some of the things that have been said. You might even want to invite her to come tell her side of the story.
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
I decided that it was in everyone's best interest for me to cut back a little on the amount of time I was spending with them, so I went to 3 afternoons a week.
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Sorry, but it never in a child's best interest to see less of their parents.
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
Then, Dolly got pregnant.
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My goodness, three accidental children? Do you know about birth control?
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
Over the past two years, her intolerance of my other kids has blossomed into pure contempt.
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She needs to grow up. These are your children also and she knew they were there before she married you. She is an adult and they are children and that is the way she needs to start acting.
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
Here's an example: My daughter calls to ask if I can take them for ice cream. My wife says "if you do it, they'll be calling you every day asking for it." One evening, my daughter asked me if I could bring her and my son some McDonalds because their mom was working and there was nothing to eat in the house. My wife (who was at work at the time) said "what are you -- a delivery man now?"
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Again, she needs to grow up. You are not a delivery man for taking food to your own kids. I'm sure she expects you to do these kind of things with her child, does she not understand these kids need their father also??
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
The problem is, I've been trying to walk a fine line between keeping them happy and avoiding a big fight with my wife. And trust me -- EVERY time I do anything extra with my kids, Dolly and I have a fight, with her saying things to me like:
"You want two families."
"You're always putting your kids and that ***** above me and your daughter."
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Obviously she has the other mother and the kids linked in her mind. I am assuming that you don't include the other mother when you do things with your kids - if you do then I would understand your wife's anger over the other mother (but not the kids).
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
It's been so bad, that my mother won't ask me about my other kids in front of my wife for fear that it will start a fight between us.
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That's a shame that a grandmother can't ask about her own grandkids. I'm sure that doesn't help your wife's relationship with your mother.
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
Dolly always refers to my ex as "the ****," or "the *****,"
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Okay I will say it yet again - she needs to grow up. Name calling is so inmature.
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
because she feels that my ex was trying to trap me into marrying her by getting pregnant twice (I never did).
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Well maybe she was and maybe she wasn't, but obviously you didn't go for it and Dolly needs to take note of that fact. But whatever the motive of the other mother it is not the kids fault, they have no control over the circumstances into which they were born.
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
I'm tired of seeing the look on my kids' faces when I tell them they can't go someplace with us. I'm tired of saying "no" when they ask me for ice cream. I've actually snuck over and picked them up for a few hours when my wife goes to work.
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You shouldn't have to sneak to see your own children. It sounds like you are bending over backwards to avoid trouble with Dolly and it isn't working, so why keep making your kids suffer? Start picking them up again. Tell Dolly ahead of time that you are doing so and try to include all three of your children at one time and include Dolly also.
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Originally Posted by Gtarist62
I'd rather be alone and get to see all three of my kids whenever I want than to stay with someone who treats me and my kids this way.
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Sadly it may seem like that may be the only option. Can I give a little advice and say that if you and Dolly do split up that you be extra careful to not impregnate any more women anytime soon - it sounds like your life is complicated enough without another woman and child. I'm not saying don't have a social life but you may need to spend the next few years consecrating on you kids - all three of them. These are the formative years and how involved these kids are with their parents will have an effect for the rest of their life. We all know boys need a strong father figure, and studies show that girls with an involved father are less likely to engage in sex at a very young age, but girls with no father or poor father figure are at an increased risk of early teenage pregnancy and other risk factors. So don't think for one second that your kids don't need you to be involved and be a good role model.
Feel free to print out my reply and show it to Dolly, it won't hurt anything if she gets mad at me.
I would also recommend counseling for you and Dolly. If she really cares about you and her marriage she will go.